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Laid-out by nOva
© 2003-2005 QUEENSEXY.NET
Work It! 09.30.03
08:55 PM • 0 comment(s)permalink

I don't think you ready
For this jelly
I don't think you ready
For this jelly
I don't think you ready for this
'Cause my body too
Bootylicious for ya babe

~Destiny's Child~ Bootylicious

In my quest to bust up all this fat, I have taken up a new hobby: BellyDancing. I know, I know, LOL and all that jazz but I figured it's worth a try. After attempting to follow the steps in that video, I realized how coordinated I'm NOT. There is this arm movement thing called "Snake Arms" where you're supposed to have your arms arched and move them gracefully. I ended up more like...poppin n' lockin' like Rerun, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. I thought this would be something fun to do, but it is a work out for real! My ass is hurting. I"m loving it though and gonna do it again tahmarr.

Next stop: BALLET

Today EvilAsianX came through and we went to lunch. That girl has been a phantom for the past friggin year! I'm glad she stopped through and had a chance to catch up. Afterwards, we went to the Guitar Center to get a strap and some strings for her geetar. I gotta get my own so she can teach me how to play. I had a chance to look around and I know exactly what I want. It's a shiny, medium brown acoustic with some kind of mirror lookin thing right around where the strings are. I'm in love. I saw a cute strap to go with it. The background is red and has a pattern of suns on it! It's too cute. I think I may go back and get the strap before it's gone. I think the geetar is such a beatiful instrument and I think it's the only one that can aid my scratching earsplitting singing voice. Besides, I need something new to piss the neighbors off. Blasting every Emenim cd made is starting to get old.

•   •   •
LAZY SUNDAY 09.28.03
07:56 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

Today was chill, chill, chill. Got my but up early and went to the store to get some grub. We was seriously runnin on "E" ova heah. I swear I wish I lived closer to a Shopper's. I'm sick of being raped by Safeway every two weeks.

Actually, there's no bitching or accompanying moaning. Came home from the store and returned RMiller's call from the nite before. He cussed me out for not remembering the Flowetry concernt at the Warner Theater. Um....why couldn't he remember himself when he was able to remember that I forgot? Anyhoo, we ended up going to Outback with the kids and had a good time. The food was good as always. But ya'll just won't believe what happened. The bastard waiter, only having to refill my Sprite ONE time, comes right back with 2 more Sprites at the same time and says to me, "Here you go, I noticed you were a little thirsty." You fuck face. Did I ASK for 2 more Sprites? Prick.

I love to watch RMiller interact with my kids. I swear he's the perfect guy. Smart, funny, likes kids, nice to look at....I wish I could find a clone of him. The kids love him. It's starting to become very very difficult to keep this relationship "platonic" He's the best thing I've got goin rite now (besides you nOva ;-P) and I don't wanna screw it up. We've been friends since we were 11 years old so I'm guessing he'll be around for a while longer. I'm so disappointed I can't find a guy like him to date. Maybe it just isn't my time.

I did meet someone new Friday nite. I'll call him...Chicano. I can tell off the break that he isn't gonna be the one. No sparks whatso ever. He's so...horny. Whatta turn off. Sex isn't the first thing I think about when I see a guy. Possibly the second, I'd atleast like to know his name first. Can you belive this dude actually wanted a kiss???? I've known him all of twenty minutes and he actually thought I was gonna put my lips on his. Can you say EEEEEWWW????? It's bad enough the thought of closeness and affection has been grossing me out lately, but with a stranger??? Bleh.

•   •   •
Which Way? 09.23.03
07:43 PM • 0 comment(s)permalink

After all this mess with Mr. Man, I had to stop and think: "What the fuck am I doing?" Nothing made sense to me anymore. My life, my job, my kids...nothing. It seems like everything I started out thinking I wanted...I really didn't.

Then what do I want? ~SunRay~ isn't quite sure. Strayer University is bugging me to register for the new quarter that started today and I'm really not feeling it. I don't want to go to school right now. The tech sector is some shit and I can't get a job. Studying for anything is just a turn off right now. So I've gone back to the drawingboard, literally.

I was fumbling around in cyberspace the other day and decided to look up universities in my area that offered drawing classes on the weekends. If I can rebuild myself and my portfolio, then maybe, just maybe, I'll change gears and get the Fine Arts degree I really want instead of the Bachelor of Science I know I can get. I'm really excited with the fact that American University offers students the opportunity to study art in Italy, something I've always dreamed of doing.

My friends aren't quite as excited, wondering how am I gonna do any of this. ~SunRay~ doesn't have an answer for that--yet, but if I want it bad enough....I've always figured out a way to get what I want, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to pull this off. Afraid that I may **gulp** FAIL. The reality of failure is so harsh and so near it damned near has me paralyzed. With the deadline fast approaching (Oct. 1) for transfer students, I gotta make a decision soon.

I have no idea what I'll do with my house and may actually have to sell it. Where will the kids be? What will I do for money? I have so many questions and not enough answers. I gotta make away. It's driving me nuts to have something so close in my reach yet not know what to do with it or how to persue it.

I'm tired of living life in such a rigid box. I don't want to live by a structured "plan" anymore. I don't want to stretch my dollars. I don't want a boring 9-5. I want to live life for....~SunRay~

•   •   •
Hacken It, Part Trois 09.16.03
11:05 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

I been patiently waitin to make it through all the hatin'
Debatin whether or not you could even weather the storm.
Just lay on the table they operatin to save you,
It's like an angel came to you sent from the heavenz above.

~Patiently Waiting~ 50 Cent feat. Eminem, Get Rich or Die Trying

In "Hacken It, Parts One and Deux", I'd been tapping into my lover's email accounts checkin out his cyber life and shady dealings. Check out the latest installment in this horrid tale.

This shit has become so addictive. It's worse than potato chips. With a bag of chips, I've never felt bad about not being able to put the bag down. Tampering with someone else's email account is a whole nother thing. It's better than potato chips!!!!!!!!! I feel almost God-like. I can see and hear his thoughts. I know his movements down to the last time he took a shit. I know how often he empties his trash. I get a bizarre rush when I know we are both in his account at the same time. "~SunRay~, how do you know when he's in the account with you?" Because my darlings, if i'm in his inbox reading something and suddenly it's ends up in the trash...well you get the picture.

Anyhoo, it appears to be that Mr. Man has been with Maria for quite some time. They even have a daughter. Not sure how old. So far it's Maria, Baby Momma and Me. I wonder which one of us will be the first to throw hot grits on his ass a la Al Green style. Or pour boiling water on his balls. My plan needs to unfold.

Since I'm in this time of dispair, my friends have rallied around me to give their support. Support in doing something S A N E. "~SunRay~, just tell him how you really found out about what's going on. We're concerned for your safety and his. Please don't catch a case ~SunRay~, we need you in the free world." I certainly do appreciate their heartfelt concern, however, I want this bastard to HURT. I mean the worst thing I can possibly come up with. So....the best thing I could come up with is to sweet talk, convince him to come out this weekend, take him to TheMiddleOfNowhere, VA, and leave him. Yep just flat out leave him. In the part that has NO BUS SERVICE. Even if there was bus service, he couldn't ride it, he aint got no loot. Couldn't even make a phone call. Yep, just make him walk into some place with me, have him go one way and ~SunRay~ goes out the door. The perfect plan. Maybe I'll leave him with a sign that says, "DC or Bust"? Naw, fuck that. Let him walk it.

Alas, my friends have no desire to attend my funeral. So they just encourage me to tell him. How boring is that? Now only if I can get him here before Maria gets him to her house. I want to send him with a jagged scar on his face and let him explain that one. But if I can only get him here on Saturday, It's on! Mah Fukka.

Stay tuned for more tawdry developments.

Random Thought of the Day:
Why does F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S have an iced out chain the size of China but can't fix his jagged front teeth?

•   •   •
My Fat 09.15.03
04:16 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

Lawd, lawd, lawd. I'm so tired of being fat. I've always been a chubby kid. After my dad died I turned into a fat kid. Then, after a series of bad relationships gone worse, I turned into a fat adult.

I gotta kick this food habit. Food is so much more reliable than a man. I go to the store, buy whatever I like and know it's going to be there until I know I ate the last one. I can throw out the parts, keep the goodies and no one cares.

Last year I did the personal trainer thing. Fun, yes. Expensive, yes. Worth it, yes. I can't wait to go back to her. When I first started, I wasn't sure what to expect, but I really enjoyed it. It helped me mentally as well as physically. I never understood the gym rats, but I feel so refreshed after 1 billion crunches and squats.

I really hate the fact that I can only shop at one store (Lane Bryant) that doesn't offer everything I'm looking for. I'm gonna scream if I see another halter top in a size 28.

So, as we speak, I'm in the process of a lifestyle change. After years of eating whatever...I'm considering going vegetarian. I'm so afraid of my heart giving out. I'm gonna jump in with both feet and do it! Say a few Hail Mary's for me ya'll

•   •   •
HACKEN IT, Part Deux 09.14.03
01:16 AM • 4 comment(s)permalink

I'm a glutton for punishment. In "HACKEN IT", I was able to get into my lover's email accounts and find out what Mr. Man has been up too. Check out the most recent episode.

I know, I know. I have absolutely no right to invade the privacy of ANYBODY for ANY REASON, however, I just couldn't leave shit alone and just had to find out what I suspected all along. This JERK was seeing another woman. For how long, I don't know. It had to be for a while if she's ready to have "THAT TALK" and what I mean by "THAT TALK" is the one where you want to see where the relationship is heading, what needs to be worked out, blah blah blah. Check it out below:

"If you do not start work this week, you need to find some time or a way to come over here.Because we need to talk. Don't worry I'm not going to tell you you're going to be a daddy again because we have atleast six days more before we can determine that. It's not about Lena, I don't think you're cheating, I just think that it is time for us to take our maturity level in our relationship to another level, the level before marriage, just to see where things are at, and to see what we need to change.If you can't come over here, please call me this is very serious."

(Lena is his baby momma, BTW)

This is what the fuck I get. I knew some shady shit was goin on, he'd just never admit to it. I've asked directly, round-about and made up scenarios. He held his ground through all three. Too bad he just won't be holding me any more. I'm sitting here now, at 1:07 AM with a hole in my heart where love used to reside. I've blocked his number, his email and IM screen name. I am offically jaded.

I have no idea how to handle this kind of situation, not sure if i should even listen to him, soooooooooo I decided to email her directly. Check it out:

"Hi,

My name is SunRay and I've been involved with Mr. Man for like 3 years now. How long have you been involved with him? Even though he swears to me that I'M the only one he wants to be with and even asked me to marry him about 3 weeks ago, I knew better. That's why I'm writing to you now.

I know about you wanting to be with him and marry him. I even know about you wanting to talk to him about where your relationship is going. I've tried that too and it's nothing but a bunch of bull. He's a broke ass player. Leave now before you get hurt anymore than you already may have been. Just like he hurt me.

I've been pregnant by Mr. Man before. Three times exactly. July 2001, August 2002 and July 2003. We tried again August 30th, the nite of my birthday party. Won't find out those results till next month. I hear you think you might be pregnant by him too. It just isn't worth it. He doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself. Why would he have unprotected sex with us? He's putting everybody at risk. Me, you and possibly your child. I've been with his ass for three years. Stood by his side through all the shit he goes through, ever job he's ever been fired from, everything he's succeeded and failed at.

He's lied to me, my friends and most importantly, my children. This is so hurtful to me and my small family. The reason why he doesn't spend much time with any of us is because he's spreading himself too thin between women, not because he's looking for a job or taking care of his kids or even starting a business. He's never around cause he can't keep his dick in his pants. Don't let him blow this off like it's nothing. He'll tell you anything he thinks you might want to hear so he won't have to listen to your mouth. I encourage you to get tested. I'm planning to do the same. Take care of yourself."

I have no idea what this will accomplish, except for pissing both of them off (which is quite okay by me) but I want her to know. As a woman, I hope this will help her make better decisions

He deserves a spot on BANA (Bitch Ass Niggas of America) and soon as I develop my pics, his bitch ass is gonna be put on blast.

Random Thought of the Day:
The lady in line ahead of me in the grocery store was not minding her bidness and looking all in my cart. Now she asks me, "Do they like pizza rolls?"
I give her a coy smile and respond, "Yeah." (pizza rolls are on sale at Safeway, 5 for $5). I'm thinking "NO, I consistently come to the grocery store to spend my hard earned money on shit I DON'T LIKE." Stupid Fuck.

•   •   •
Say Whaaaaat?!? 09.14.03
12:55 AM • 0 comment(s)permalink

After I graduated high school, I stoped listening to mainstream radio stations on a regular basis. The music was starting to bore me. Creativity was lax and in general, it just made young black folk look plain ole bad.

Most Ignant Catch Phrases
(Please not this is just MY opinon)

"Is you bout it, bout it?" ~Big Poppa Percy~
"Right thurr" ~Chingy~
"Drop it like it's hot, drop, drop it like it's hot." ~Lil Weezy n nem~
"My neck, my back" (why her face look like that???) ~Khia~
"Bbbrrrrrrrrr, what happened to that boi?" ~Baby~
"Like two gorrillas in the juuuuuuuunggglllleee makin' love." ~Rrah.Kelly~
"Don't need no hateration, holleration, in this dancery." ~Mary J. Blige~
"We won't stop. Cause we can't Stop. (they really SHOULD stop, i mean DA Band? c'mon.) ~Fluff Daddy/BadBoy~
"Now aw skeet, skeet, skeet" ~Lil Jon n nem~
"Bling bling" ~I blame Lil Weezy n nem for this one~
"Doggie Fizzle Televizzle" ~Can't believe MTV went there...~
"Bwok, bwok, chicken-chicken, bwok bwok, chickenhead" ~Project Pat~ (aint that nigga on lock down....AGAIN???)
"Sippin' on some sizzurp" ~3-6-Mafia~
"Whistle while you twerk" ~Ying Yang Twins~ Can anybody use this shit in a sentance? Example: Chile, I aint goin back twerk till Monday merrnin'.

~EVERYTHING EVER SAID BY ODB, DIRT MCGIRT, OSIRIS, BIG BABY JESUS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE CALLS HIMSELF NOW~

Feel free to add to this list.

•   •   •
Honey, I'm Hooooome! 09.11.03
12:27 AM • 2 comment(s)permalink

***hangs panyhose over shower***

***places tampons in cabinet***

***finds closet to hang weaves***

***flops on couch, takes remote and dorito's from nOva***

Now I'm comfortable.

•   •   •
HACKEN IT 09.09.03
11:44 PM • 3 comment(s)permalink

Word to the wise...if you have a lover you don't trust, leave his scandelous, no good ass alone. I'm starting to follow my own advice.

I'm a novice computer geek and decided to get creative with my lover's email account. I clicked on some junk, answered a coupla questions and voila, instant access to anything I want to know about his cyber life. Anything. Of course you're thinking, "~SunRay~, why can't you just ask him?~ Sure I could do that. I have done that. But you know....have you ever gotten the feeling that something just wan't quite right, misaligned, out of wack? Yeah I got that feeling so I decided to investigate.

Now my investigation didn't come up with nothing concrete, unfortunately. His attept at getting sex from someone (as recent as may), reaching out to old lovers and even tellin his baby momma that he loved her. This was definitely enough to make me wanna fuckin hurl. But I've put myself in a shitty sichashen.

1. I can't prove he actually followed through on anything, and
2. I HAD NO DAUYM BIDNESS IN HIS EMAIL ACCOUNT.

While Shitty Sichashen no.2 may carry some kinda illegal blah blah, what I'm trynna figure out is how to tell his ass without letting him know I put on my geek cap and invaded his privacy to find out shit I knew he wasn't telling me. From the looks of his inbox (sent messeges, trash and the like) he's kept his nose clean since May. What about a relapse? He tried to talk to me today. I tried to act normal but I wasn't feeling it.

Sometimes I think about how much easier life would be if I'd just go back to my daughter's dad. He ain't much to look at and lacks ambition, but damn we had a lot of fun. And he treated me good. And he liked being a dad then. So much for coulda, woulda and shoulda. I wonder if I was wrong for giving him the boot.

Random Thought of the Day:
Why is Fall the only season to have an alias? (Autumn)

•   •   •
Rebirth 09.09.03
08:40 PM • 0 comment(s)permalink

I've had a brief hiatus but now I'm back. Blogger gave me some serious issues. Stay tuned for more ranting....

•   •   •