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Laid-out by nOva
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Ghouls n Ghastly Junk 10.31.03
08:35 PM • 4 comment(s)permalink

View image

I just got back from trick or treatin with the kids and my dawgs is barkin! There went my pedicure.

My boss was sweet and let me leave an hour and a half earlier than usual. I guess she figured she might as well let me leave since I was gonna leave after she left the office anyway.

I got home and cooked up some dinner for the kids. I bought some nutrageous, butterfingers, m&ms and jolly rancher lollipops to pass out before we headed out for our own candy begging. We ran out of candy in like two minutes. Greedy ass kids.

I'm glad I live in a neighborhood where I actually feel safe taking them out. Most of my neighbors went all out and decorated their houses with lights and goblins and all that good stuff. Some of em was stingy with the candy though. Can you believe somebody gave my son a Ricola?? Um...isn't that a COUGH DROP?? Can we say, "Ran out of candy?" I'll be saving this for a sickly day.

I've just finished checking the candy over for bad stuff and deducting my 10% "My dayum feet hurt from walking 1.5 hours" fee. Now I have a tummy ache. Dammit.

•   •   •
Rejuvinated 10.29.03
01:07 AM • 3 comment(s)permalink

~SunRay~ isn't your typical girly type chick. Lately I've been feeling very UN. Unattractive, unloved and undesired. I needed a pick me up.

Instead of giving my femininity a kung fu kick like I usually do, I succumbed tonite. I shoved the kids into bed early and took a long, long, long hot shower. I broke out the good razor and shaved my, um, parts. I got out the foot razor and scraped all the dead skin off my feet. I even taught myself how to buff my nails the right way. I cut those talons down real nice too. I forgot what my feet looked like for a minute. Now they all soft and smooth and stuff. I hopped out of the shower and plucked the extraneous hairs from my face. (Fuggin Depo Provera)

Next I traipse my nekkid behind into the living room and plop down on the couch to moisterize with my favorite Vicki Secret scent, Passionate Kisses. I got the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill cd playin softly. I even did something I haven't done since I was pregnant with my son 5 years ago: I polished my own toes!!! OMG. I felt like I was in high school again. When I got "grown" I'd always go to Wong Fongs House of Hair and Nails to get my feet did. Them mofos might not ever see me again.

On Friday Imma take another long lunch break and have my eyebrows waxed. I'm so lazy about keeping that up, mainly because IT HURTS LIKE NOTHING I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED. I've had natural labor twice and I'd take that any day over having Kim Chee pluck very fine hairs from my brow.

On Saturday I'm off to the African Hair Gallery to get reweaved. It's time for some Senegalese. I love twists. Unfortunately Saturday is the first of the month and every ghetto queen is gonna be up in there trynna get her wig fixed. I do not have the patience to put up with Shequanda Alize Jenkins and her loud talkin, 12 baby fava havin ass. UGH. I hate, hate, hate leaving my house on the first of the month and sometimes manage to wait till like the 12th or the 15th before I come out to do anything significant. The bus/subway be crowded, the Popeyes has a line outside the door, laundrymat is crowded, Foot Locker ran the fuck outta shoes and gotta shut down; the corner sto' outta 40's. Ya'll know how that shit be.

I'm even thinking bout gettin me a cute lil outfit from THIS SITE. I have no idea where Imma wear it but I guess I should be prepared incase I should have a date or something (picture that)

The rejuvination will be complete.

•   •   •
'Tis The Season 10.28.03
08:40 PM • 1 comment(s)permalink

Xmas has become such a commerical holiday, more so than all them other ones Macy's, Nordies and Hect's want us to buy stuff for. Each year that goes by, I become increasingly disenchanted with the obsessive marketing that begins in August to encourage us consumers to open our wallets and buy things we can't afford for people we typically don't like. But I do have a fond memory of kindness. Of course it didn't come from family. Thanks to nOva and his Elf movie buddy icon for throwing me into this holiday before I was mentally prepared for it.

A combination of things started me thinking about Xmas. It actually started when I began to think of my daily interactions with my family and certain people in my life. Most of them are takers and have very little to offer, or any desire to offer, any thing in return. Reciprocity is unheard of. Not to say that you should help someone just because you want them to help you later, which is never guaranteed, but it gets quite old when the same people keep coming back. That's more like using, not helpin a bruvah out.

Anyhoo, I started thinking about how much I give and how little I normally receive. If someone calls me and needs help, typically I'll oblige if their request is within my means. Just recently I'd been burned, by my own folks no less. I needed help and every one had "something else to do". That's aiite though.

December 2000. I'll never forget that Xmas. I was 20 years old working another dinky job in a mall. I made 700 bucks a month. Yep folks, 700 whopping bucks a month. It's definitely impossible to take care of 3 people on this amount and my son still being in diapers wasn't a help. It's Xmas time and I was broke. Didn't have nothing. My co-workers all chipped in and bought stuff for the kids. My manager and her mom also went out and bought stuff for them. They also bought a few small gifts for me. The daycare center my kids were going to at the time, well they were going there until I cussed the director out, but that's another story for another day. She called me and told me there was a delivery for the kids from the Salvation Army's Angle Tree Program. I was too out done. There was so much stuffed packed into those garbage bags to the point they were almost ready to burst. That was a long bus ride home.

I was so overwhelmed with this giving. Unconditonal, unsolicited giving. There's nothing like it. I'd never experienced such kindness before, especially from people I hadn't known for very long. I'd never even met my manager's mother. I was moved to tears but I'm to callous to cry.

Someone was watching over me that Xmas. I'll continue to watch over others. (Even if they flaky and shady)

•   •   •
Got Brains? 10.27.03
01:02 PM • 3 comment(s)permalink

My youngest susta just started college this fall. What in the hell are my federal tax bux really paying for?

CollegeSusta: my mouse needs new batteries
~SunRay~: um...okay
CollegeSusta: i dunno y this kinda mouse takes bateries in the first place
CollegeSusta: the keyboard needs new batteries too
~SunRay~: ummm because it's wireless
~SunRay~: how else is it gonna work?
~SunRay~: duh
CollegeSusta: tru
~SunRay~: it's like a remote control
CollegeSusta: i thought thats what the receiver thing was for
CollegeSusta: man

WTF? if your shit aint PLUGGED INTO AN ELECTRICAL SOCKET, what else is gonna power your keyboard and mouse? Air? Why doesn't she get that the RECEIVER just RECEIVES the signal, hence the name RECEIVER. Something's gotta initiate the signal, right?

My gawd! She IMs me with this completely re-damn-diculous shit like this on a regular basis. I don't give 2 turds bout her needing batteries and aint shit I can do about it up here. UGH.

•   •   •
Ain't Nuttin But A Gangxsta Pourty 10.26.03
07:40 PM • 3 comment(s)permalink

Have any of ya'll eva eva planned a surprise pourty?

EvilAsianX is gonna turn another year older next month and I decided I wanted to throw her a surprise party. A couple of other friends are willing to do some leg work and help out.

Last week I finally decided I wanted to have her party catered with chinese food from my favorite chinese eatery, Panda Exress. I look at the website for info, then proceed to call the nearest restaurant to me. Check out our convo.

ME: I'd like to place a catering order. Do you offer delivery?
ChinaMan: Whaaat you say ladee??
ME: I would like to place a catering order.
ChinaMan: Laaadeee, I no unnastan you. Speak slowa.
ME: (gettin pissed) CA-TER-ING. You cook me LOTS of food and bring it to my house.
ChinaMan: You won't wok?
ME: No, I don't want a wok. I want you to COOK ME LOTS OF FOOD IN YOUR WOK AND BRING IT TOO MY HOUSE.
ChinaMan: Oh no we no do.

WTF??? how they gonna advertise a service and not ejumacate the employees about it? I wish I knew a chinese person that actually spoke chinese. ~SunRay~ is determined to get chinese food for her Asian.

This weekend I went to BlondeWonder's house so we could start the cd mixing and burning process. Wouldn't it have been nice if she told me her that her "innane was down" earlier in the week. Sheesh. I hauled half of my cd collection all the way to Centreville, VA (no man's land) to rip them to her hard drive. She looks at me and says, "You wanna do all of those tonite?" Um...YEAH. I certainly didn't want to leave my shit there for an undertermined amount of time. The point of even going over there at an ungodly hour was to get work done for this party. However we did do a lot more socializing and even almost forgot that we were even there to plan a party but still managed to get somethings accomplished. EvilAsianX loves cars to death so we've decided to have a racing theme, complete with a car shaped pinata.

Any ideas for party fillers?? So far on my list I have condoms (glow in the dark and flavored), lube, butt beads, cock rings, but pluggs, candy necklaces, snickers, mints and mini bible keychain type things. Suggestions?

•   •   •
Revelations 10:23 10.23.03
09:15 AM • 6 comment(s)permalink


OMG! I am such a dumb movie junkie.

I can't wait till this stoopit movie comes out. There's nothing I love more than just sitting back and being entertained. The trailers crack me up. It comes out tomorrow. I won't be first in line but I'mma high tail my ass to the theater at some point this weekend so I can check that out. The kids still want to see School of Rock so I'll prolly have to suffer through that one before I can see Scurry Movie 3. I'm trying to get over the fact that Ja is in this movie. Bleh.

I had a new visitor to my page the other day. Her name be Lashundra, which had me thinking about names and ethincity and how we can almost tell a person's um, historical background by what their name is.

I remember when I started a dinky job as a mail clerk when I was in high school. Most people worked different shifts and I never got to meet many people when I was there because I worked an early shift. (I'd cut school to go to work). I was told to get something from Lashawnda. I'm looking around at all the blacks and I'm quite confusid cause no one is responding. "Where's Lashawnda?" I hear a little voice behind me say, "I'm here." I turned around, and to my surprise she was a tall thin white girl. We'll I'll be damned. I try to straighten up my bewildered expression and carry on, business as usual. Man was I out of my element. Yes I was stereotypical. Yes I was very un p.c. No, I don't feel bad about it, but it has made me more open to what diversity really is. Even for Chez Whitey.

It's a reality that most of us are conditioned to associate certain kinds of names with certain people. Names are very intricate. Tracey, Tracy, and Tracie. Which one is a guy? ( I HATE transgender names) Which one is white? Which one is black? That example is a bit more obscure, but I think you guys can see where I'm going with it. With my own name, I notice that I receive more interviews when I use my first initial and middle name as opposed to using my first name with middle initial, ie, S.Ray as to, SunR. Get it?

Children's programing has gone completely in the crapper. My kids like to watch this show on Nickelodeon called The Amanda Show, a variety show type deal. There is this one skit that really irritated me. It takes place in a high school girls restroom where the misfits congregate. They were actually having a PARTY in the restroom. I let that slide. But what really pissed me off was that each character was placed snugly into some whacked out, over the top, sterotypical role. The white girl was passive, the black girl had a major attitude, the spanish girl talked too damn fast and there was some sort of, um, mentally challenged girl. This six minute skit mangaged to make an impression on my 7 year old daughter and have her question me about the qualities and behaviors of other races.

Random Thought of the Day:
Why is it that when you have to pee really, really, really bad like damn near peeing on yourself, only a TRICKLE comes out when you finally get to go?

•   •   •
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do 10.21.03
12:27 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

"Real friendships never fade"

That's the signature at the end of every email I send. I've always wanted to believe that's true. Once you establish a friendship, a true friendship, it's a life long bond.

I haven't talked to my first bestfriend, Lucas, since May. We've been friends since we were 8 years old. That's a long time to willingly put up with another person's shit.

Our mothers were so busy, they didn't have time to tend to us. We raised each other. We'd skip school together. She taught me how to swear. I thought her how to be humble. We discovered how to set a nikka up. We taught each other about sex. We were never far from each other.

She was the first chick to jiggle my boobies or trim my snatch. I taught her patience and gave her confidence.

She partied more, I studied more. We laughed. We lied. She'd curl my hair. I'd polish her toes.

I'm so hurt that she never came to see my new house. I just knew we'd decorate and do all the things you do with your girl for such an occasion. Not a phone call. Not a letter.

I wrote to her 2 weeks ago and still no response. I didn't send a card or a typed letter. I sat and wrote, pen to paper, about all the things at are new and wondering what she's doing. Still no response.

I guess we grew up.

•   •   •
Mommie, What's That? 10.18.03
08:26 PM • 8 comment(s)permalink

Some things should never be left lying around.


Ain't they cute? That's ~SunRay,Jr~.and Monster. The fruit of my loins, destruction from my womb. You guys get the point.

I live a hurried life, but I take time to teach my kids a variety of things. When they ask questions, I try to answer them as honestly as possible. I've been able to skirt around that whole, "Where do babies come from?" question but I'm sure it'll be popping up soon. I'm still trying to convince ~SunRay~, Jr.that the name of my favorite ice cream sammich is in fact, KLONDIKE and not CONDOM. I was liken to shit in my pants when she asked me for a "Condom Bar". WTF? I'm thinking to myself, "What in the holy hell is a Condom Bar and do ladies get in free before 11?"

Anyhoo, during the week we're partial slobs and just put stuff where ever. ~SunRay~ wasn't very smart when she forgot to remove the tampon she'd taken from her purse from the living room table. Of course Monster got to it. Of course he wanted to know what it was for. ~SunRay~, Jr. says to him, "It's a thing ladies stick in their stomach so they won't bleed." He goes "eeeeewww" and hands it back to her.

Ain't Edjumacashun great?

•   •   •
Am I That Fucked Up? 10.17.03
01:43 PM • 1 comment(s)permalink

I took a Personality Disorder Quiz cause, again, I don't have shit else to do with myself. Well there are things I SHOULD be doing but they're such a drag.

According to this quiz, I've scored VERY HIGH for borderline, paranoid and avoidant and scored high for obsessive compulsive. Sure know how to boost a girls' self-esteem, don't they?

•   •   •
Xtra Googlisms n' Stuff 10.16.03
03:36 PM • 3 comment(s)1 trackback(s)permalink

I was so amused by the Googlism I did on my alter ego, ~SunRay~ I just had to use my real name. Check out his jacked up shit.

kia is dead? (when was somebody gonna tell me?)
kia is a charm to (ya'll can't resist me)
kia is dead? what about the show last night? (i've graduated from video to live shows)
kia is a cheap piece of crap (ur muva!)
kia is once again korea's second best (um...second best what?)
kia is not truly related to us (i'd rather not be claimed by my folks, really)
kia is perfect for that (virgos have a tendancy for perfection)
kia is a nightmare for some of you (only when dronk)
kia is a great success (of course)
kia is made well (built to last)
kia is building automobiles which are being (sick of the car jokes)
kia is starting a programme of model facelifts (chile some of these models need facelifts **cough** tyra **cough**)
kia is putting out one of the best (kia IS NOT putting out!)
kia is the smartest iguana (i'm a lizard now?)
kia is recently married and enjoys spending time around her home (who the fuck found me a man and didn't tell me???)
kia is not worth the headache (your head won't ache with me...)
kia is more for the bang ( comment)
kia is the combination of two ideas (my mommie and daddy, how cute is that?)
kia is hurt that renee has a new set of friends? (yes i am. she hasn't called me in six months or came to see the house i've lived in for a YEAR.)
kia is a high ridge (my rack is decent)
kia is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year (i haven't even reached 25 yet)
kia is delivered (i have yet to be saved, how can i be delivered???)
kia is the vital force of life within each of us ( i own all of you)
kia is with you for the "long haul"
kia is an angel here on earth
kia is mostly owned and run by hyundai (i haven't had a pimp in years)
kia is a big (i can't seem to escape these fuckin fat jokes...)
kia is a little awkward to our eyes (then shut them mofos)
kia is the north kia and he watches down on earth (i tole ya'll before that i was god)
kia is (...finish this sentance)
kia is a thoroughbred mare and came to us as a 7 year old found wandering loose in sumpter township (fuck these horse/pony references)
kia is offering low (for 15 bucks, i give discounts for referrals)
kia is a part of reality
kia is quite impressive in the handling department (i can top AND juggle balls!)
kia is a dynamic (settle for nothing less)

•   •   •
48% GAY 10.15.03
09:24 PM • 5 comment(s)1 trackback(s)permalink

I aint got shit else to do tonite so I decided to take one of those retarted personality tests

personality.jpg THE PERSONALITY TEST
You are a PROBER (DICF)--curious, passionate, driven, and probing. You’re the kind of person who can’t leave well enough alone. You have a very strong personality and a sense of adventure. And you’d rather go out and experience things for yourself than take someone else’s word for it. Some people probably think you’re a maniac.

People have a hard time believing you're an intelligent person. Perhaps there's a reason for this? Time will tell.

Through rigorous testing, we've discovered that your compatibility with someone is exactly how likely you are to kiss them when drunk.

UM...i'm a hard-headed, psycho dronk???


You are 48% GAY!

That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight female is only 32% gay!

Here's how you compare:
people less gay than you (91%)
people just as gay as you (1%)
people gayer than you (7%)

Just because I like to have sex with women doesn't mean I'm gay.

In conclusion, I'm a a hard-headed, psycho closet lesbian, dronk. Translation: DAMN GOOD PARTY GRRL. (as indicated in a previous post :-P)

•   •   •
Googlisms N' Stuff 10.14.03
02:27 PM • 3 comment(s)permalink

I got this crazy link offa nOva's page. is where you type in your name and they tell you some junk about you n' stuff. Check me out.

sunray is the second building on the left (since when?)
sunray is offering lift tickets at discount prices (I got da' hook up)
sunray is to assist higher education faculty in developing strategies and partnerships that will prepare future educators to use technology (this is so of my pet projects!)
sunray is approximately 1 (one of what?)
sunray is one of the few (...proud and the many?)
sunray is trusted by (heh heh heh)
sunray is a grand (diva)
sunray is a leading expert in the field of mind (domination)
sunray is captivating (of course)
sunray is widely distributed (who's been renting my video???)
sunray is a real african farm getaway retreat (**removing bone from nose**)
sunray is using (EVERYTHING!)
sunray is exactly like that (ain't she though?)
sunray is accepting dhcp offers from another dhcp server (I like gifts)
sunray is also encrypted and secure (there's no getting inside me!)
sunray is experimental (aka suicidal)
sunray is close to all the major attractions (everywhere I have no business being)
sunray is $399 +$30 shipping before 20%discount (damn is that all I'm worth??)
sunray is powered on (all nite, honey)
sunray is a chocotate palomino with a white mane and tail (5 bucks to ride)
sunray is unusual in being (duh)
sunray is way out in front (where else would I be?)
sunray is cute (who tole you different)
sunray is not the same as the american lightbox with the same name (hell to the naw)
sunray is hung (I got big balls)
sunray is your smart choice (~SunRay~ is the only choice)
sunray is available with uva (and xtra cheese)
sunray is a jubilee offspring with some added disease tolerance (shake the std's off)
sunray is a rare "moo whale" that is still swimming (had to be atleast ONE fat joke...bitches!)
sunray is a more powerful version of sunburst and the druid may cast it without needing to gather energy (i shall demolish you!)
sunray is all grown up now and has come to earth to teach little children how to become angels while still on earth and to make the world a better place (BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA)
sunray is the gold (bling, bling)

•   •   •
I'm Stupid 10.14.03
02:11 PM • 1 comment(s)permalink

Please excuse the previous day's post. I was still dronk when I wrote it. I'm still revelling in the aftermath of my dronkeness.

Maybe I'll get around to apologizing to Couchman. Okay I'm lying. (He needs a good ass kicking, okay?) Anyway, in my dronken haste I started dropping my shit all over the ground. Still ISO: my cd case, Colgate toothpaste and hair brush. I'm sure I lost some other shit too but just haven't realized what they are yet.

Partying hard is so destructive. I've lost one of my most coveted possessions: my cds. My new shit at that. I know they haven't been turned in to the lost and found at the cab company. I know they aren't in EvilAsianX's back seat. What I do know is that I've fucked up. Between the stuff that has been stolen from me and the stuff i've lost on my own, I'll never be able to purchase anything current anytime soon because I'm still replacing stuff that's gone. I'm seriously kicking myself in the ass over this one.

•   •   •
Let's Get Buzzed 10.13.03
12:13 AM • 2 comment(s)permalink

~SunRay~ + EvilAsianX + Likka = TROUBLE

Man was we bored Saturday nite. We was really to broke to do anything so we hit a chinese carryout, ordered an insane amout of food and headed back to the place she was housesitting at. Nothing big. We couldn't agree on a show to watch we headed downstairs to shoot a game of pool. I just learned how to play over the summer and still learning. She's been playing for a while and got pissed when I started kicking her ass. Man, she got so hyped up and shit she didn't want to play anymore. Being that it was still pretty early and we were both really restless, we had to find something else to get into.

She stumbled across a place called Shark Club. It was about 15 minutes from where we were and the cover charge was 5 bucks, something we could afford. Since our broke asses didn't have no loot, we had to figure out a way to sneak some likka inside.

We get there at like 12:30. The place was packed and live. We get my big ass Jansport backpack pass the bouncer, find an obscure hall to get our drink on and it was cool. I thought the music was a bit weak, but after a few shots all was well.

We met some random people, held some random conversations and had some random drinks. All in all it was a good nite. I'd never been hit on by so many white dudes ever. It was open season on my black ass. Before I know it, I'm completely zooted, in the process of being spanked by a Lois Vouiton wallet and refusing to answer my phone.

Unfortunately, EvilAsianX, my designated driver was pretty zooted herself. She couldn't drive and I had to get my black ass back to DC. How was I gonna get from NoWhere'sVille, VA back home was beyond me. I did what any sensible drunk would do: I called somebody to come get me. That somebody happened to be Couchman. He's a DJ at another club (aka DJ Scratch n' Sniff) and I knew he'd still be awake.

In the meantime, we were being kicked out at closing time and there were still a few people around. Now that I've downed quite a bit of likka, I had to take a pee. Some really nice stranger stopped me from taking a squat on the sidewalk and escorted me to a restroom. Aint he a gentleman.

I swear in the whole 2 minutes it took for me to take a piss, EvilAsianX is climbing into someone's minivan. I pull her out, look to my right and tell some dude to suck my balls. Not sure how we ended up on the subject but I grabed his and he showed me his penis. What a pale thing it was. Whiteboy had a little something to work with I must admit.

Couchman shows up like the Terminator or some shit. He tells me he ain't gonna take me home. I'm like WTF? I scream at him, throw a few punches and fall on my ass. He's a little through with me for right now but he'll be aiite. He paid the cab driver 50 bucks to get me home in one piece and my world was right again.

This weekend we gonna do it again.

Random Thought of the Day:
My son tells me he wants a crown and wings. Does he want to be a fairie?

•   •   •
SuperFunkyDope 10.10.03
11:38 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

You won't believe in me but
You would fancy leprechans or
Groundhogs, No
Thank you Easter Buunnaaaaayyy!

~Happy Valentines Day~

I don't want to
Move too fast, but
Can't resist your sexy ass
Just spreaaaaaaadd
Spread for me

~Spread~ Andre 3000

My soul feels so good! After reading nOva's review about the New Outkast cd, I felt compelled to sneak away from work this morning and purchase it. I'm so glad I did. I've been dancin' and sangin' and movin' to the groovin' since 11:45 AM. I immediately fell in love with track number four, "Happy Valentine's Day" on The Love Below, Andre 3000's cd. It hit me hard me cause we black folk just don't believe in love no more. And I'm one of those black folk.

This is exactly the type of cd that was needed to add a resucitating breath to hip-hop. It's funky, clean, poetic, creative and just true art. Women are actually referred to as...LADIES. How often does that happen in a hip-hop/rap cd? Who would ever entertain the thought of God being a woman?

I'm so hyped I had to take my ass to the likka sto'and get me some vodka, tequilla and rum to chill tonite with this cd. I lit some candles, relaxing and reflecting on the GOOD aspects of love which I don't do to often. This cd also reminds me of my daddy who died 13 years ago, October 12, 1990. His place was pimped out. He had the fuzzy zodiac poster of the nekkid man and lady. He had the requisit fake plants, black nekkid lady statchew and plenty of vinyls. It takes me back to a point in my life when I was free, had no concerns about anything, and had the best man ever: my daddy.

I guess I believe in love after all.

•   •   •
Duped! 10.09.03
04:29 PM • 5 comment(s)permalink

Every since I got my sturreyo last week, I love to listen to music when I wake up. Since I've only got a few of favorites spinning right now, Alien Ant Farm, Eminem and India.Arie, the cd player is already loaded for me. So I thought.

I come in the living room this morning ready to listen to my motivational speaker Eminem. I press play. Nothing happens. I rotate the cd changer and press play again. Still nothing. When I finally get to the last cd slot and press play, I hear sound. I'm ready for my morning party when, low and behold, the got dayum kids switched my cds! Instead of the playfulness of Alien Ant Farm, I get 50 Cent's overly gangsta ass. WTF? I looks around confusid cause I know I didn't put that raunchy shit in my cd player. I look to my left and guess who has a little smirk...Lil' Choklit Girl. Monsters.

•   •   •
Leave My Shit Alone!!! 10.08.03
07:19 PM • 1 comment(s)permalink

Why is ere body fukkin wit me? Why are folks trynna jack my shit?? I don't work like a Hebrew slave with tree jobs like a Jamaican cause I don't have better shit to do with my time. I susta is trynna maintain.

Today when my friend dropped me and the kids off from the playground, she brought to my attention that the screen in my front right window looked like it had been pulled up. I told her I'd check it out. I get closer, and damn sure nuff, it sure did look like somebody fucked with the screen. I'm standing on the porch cussin anda sweatin trynna put the screen back in place. I'm pissed!!! Who is fuckin with my shit?!?!?! Why don't these folks know I will whyle the fuck out on any damn body for fuckin wit my shit?

That's just the icing on the cake.

Recently my cds have been coming up missing. My cd carousel used to be full, at about 80 cds and now I'm missing like 10. And guess who'd been taking them...Mr. Man. I had agreed to let him borrow 2 some time ago and he admitted to taking one that I had been looking for and denied the others. As far as I'm concerned, he took that one, he took the other ones. I gotta stop dealing with niggas that ain't got shit and can't get shit. I mean cds aren't big shit, but the point is it's MY SHIT AND HE AIN'T GOT NO BUSINESS TAKING NOTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. This shit has been going on since December. Yes, for that damn long. At first I thought it was DJ Scratch n' Sniff, cause he's a damn DJ. But shit, he can get music from anywhere and ain't got no reason to raid my little collection.

God forbid I get a pistol. Every mahfugga will have a bullet in his buttcheek. Shoot off a pinky toe or some shit. Watch me.

Random Thought of the Day:
Jay-Z: His Gift is a Curse
What is the purpose of Jay-Z's The Blueprint 2.1 cd? It's got the same whack ass, weak ass songs on it that The Blueprint 2: The Gift and the Curse has on it. Why, oh why????

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Fuckery at the 9-5 10.08.03
01:20 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

I'm grateful to still have a job during this republican recession, however, I officially hate my job. Yes, my boss is an Associate Director. Yes, she has a lot of shit to do. But I just don't understand why she can't do certain shit herself. Lazy ho.

This morning at about 11:00 she sent me an email with attachments for docs she wanted for her teleconference at 2:00 today. At about 11:30 she sends me an IM and tells me about the email, which I hadn't received. I reboot and still no email. I talked to Tech Guy to tell him my issue and his response, "It's an HQ issue, nothing we can do here." I ain't mad. I relay this piece of info to her as well and she just goes on and on about how the other people she sent it to received it and blah, blah, blah. That's all good, whoadie, but it still ain't in my inbox. In the midst of this hour of bullshit, it is brought to my attention that all she wanted was to have the shit printed out and stapled. WTF? She has a printer RIGHT BESIDE HER DESK. The time it took her to decide she wanted to send it to me to print and collate, she coulda did the shit herself. By the time she finished bitching about our email system, she coulda printed an entire fucking novel.

I'm so annoyed that my talents and skills get wasted on a bullshit job like this.

"I've been patiently waiting to blooooow"
~Some whack ass 50 Cent song~

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And The Kitchen Sink, Too 10.08.03
09:44 AM • 3 comment(s)permalink

I've been quite glad EvilAsianX has come back to the world of the living. She's been sick and crashed her Prelude into a tree so she's been out of commission for a minute. To celebrate her return, I invited her to come hang last nite for a decent dinner (~SunRay~ likes to cook), watch some movies and talk shit.

What I didn't know is that she hadn't eaten in a year. At least it appeard as such.

EvilAsianX is late for EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYFUCKINTHING. She was supposed to show up at 8, didn't get to my place till 9:15 and I was ready to go to sleep on her ass. I swear this girl needs to set her clocks two hours ahead to get anything accomplished. She's runnin on something worse that CPT.

Anyhoo, she gets in and I get her a plate going. Her request for the evening: dirty rice and fried chicken. Please don't ask. I couldn't begin to explain that one. Being the fact that she's Korean and eats, sleeps, breaths and shits rice, you'da think she wouldn't want any. WRONG. However, she has promised me death if I ever attempt to feed her plain white dead ass rice. I hooked her up with some kale and collard greens too. I had to explain to her that they are leafy veggies, yes they are good for you, and no they aren't seaweed. Yeah, she thought the kale was seaweed. LMAO. She's learning.

Watching her eat was like one of the 8th Wonder's of the World. Actually I was wondering when was the last time she ate. She sat on my couch and balanced a full dinner plate on one hand. That's skill folks. She picks up a chicken wing, looks it over and then takes a bite. Out of the entire wing. I'm like, "Um....that might be a little easier if you pulled it apart BEFORE you eat it." Still with the full sized dinner plate balanced in one hand waitress style, she fuckin picks the wing apart. That was the most hillarious thing I'd ever seen. I'm like, "WTF??" Of course she gets a second plate. When I'm thinkin she's done, she opens the fridge and looks for more! She looks at the tupperware and asks what's in them. After I explain the contents, she helps herself to some of Sunday nite's spaghetti. I'm like damn, wanna take some home too?

By this time she's damn near ready to hurl. Tole her ass to stop eating. The greens should make her shit so I'm thinking It'll all balance out. I've seen plenty of people throw down, but the leftovers too? She ate 3 different meals in 15 minutes.

I'm impressed.

I made her watch Malibu's Most Wanted. It's the worst piece of trash I've ever watched. I'm almost ashamed to own it. Almost. The shit was hillarious, yet stereotypical of course. I mean damn, Jamie Kennedy didn't have to ride on my man Em like that. (Yes, ~SunRay~ can recite almost every Eminem song ever put on wax.) It's like a spoof of spoofs. The three most notable, or the ones that I can actually remember, are from Boys N the Hood, Menace II Society and of course 8 Mile. I just love stupid movies.

Afterwards she decides she has to go to the grocery store. Okay no big issue. She needs food for the rest of the week. I'm thinkin she's bout to pick up some meat and veggies and all that good stuff. Um...NO. She comes out with a tray of Ramen Noodles (they was 10 for a $1), yogurt, fruit roll-ups, yogurt, a loaf of bread and Doritos. Where's the meal? I'm expecting her back next week. She'll need to be fed.

I like to have the company of someone other than Kootie Boy, aka, Couchman, aka DJ Scratch n' Sniff. Not sure how my houseguest of about 6 months received these monikers, but somehow they just stuck. Well, I gave him DJ Scratch n' Sniff cause he don't have a DJ name (he spins tunes on the weekends). I dunno why he didn't like that name. I think it has personality.

He showed me his new place a couple of weeks ago and it looks real nice. I like just cause...he won't be on my couch no mo'. I'm so proud of myself for being able to survive a houseguest. The first one I ever had was gone after only 3 weeks. That biatch got on my nerves. It's in my nature to help people though.

I've never liked to share my space and will probably live alone for the rest of my life. I enjoy it. If somebody ate the last of something, I know who did it. If somebody can't pay the light bill, I know why. If i wanna sit on the couch buckitassnekkid and eat ice cream straight out the tub, I can.

I like my freedom.

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Home Is Where Your Rump Rests 10.05.03
10:02 AM • 6 comment(s)1 trackback(s)permalink

I can't believe I've been a homeowner for a full year. It's still overwhelming for me. It's like, wow, I actually did it. Sometimes I question wether or not I've made the right choice.

I'm hoping this is what marriage is like. Excited with the newness, still in love after a year and when shit get's broken, you fix it and move on. Um...guess that would be a bit too simple for marriage, huh?

I went to settlement on Sept. 27, 2002 and moved in on Oct. 18th. I'm not sure what I'll do to mark this one year anniversary. Maybe I'll put some gutters on back of the house or give my big yellow baby (this house is more yellow than the effin sun. Pics to come later) a good power washing. She's so cute. There's a nice sized front porch, enough to put a small table and chair set. The yard leaves a bit to be desired but I'm working on it. Well actually The Yard Guy is working on it, but you get my drift. (~SunRay~ hates yard work) It's a rambler style with a small cellar beneth that houses my vitals (breaker panel, hot water heater, ect....) She and I were made for each other. It's the perfect size for me and my kids AND NO ONE ELSE. There's a room for each of us and I have a fire place in mine that has yet to be used. I've decided I'll never part with my baby. I'd rent her out but never sell her. The property value is gonna go up real soon, with gentrification and all (the whites are lovin the 'hood) and it's near the Metro so I'm thinking it'll be in my best interest to hang on to her.

Back to my reality.

I've received a lot of criticism for buying her while being so young (22 at the time), not telling anyone about my purchase till after the fact (my dayum bidness, so I thought) and in general doing what the fuck I wanted to do. Why can't niggas stand to see each other happy? But no matter what I do or how I choose to do it, I seem to bring about much controversy anyway and I should be used to it.

I've got plans for my girl and can't wait to watch her grow.

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