I've been quite glad EvilAsianX has come back to the world of the living. She's been sick and crashed her Prelude into a tree so she's been out of commission for a minute. To celebrate her return, I invited her to come hang last nite for a decent dinner (~SunRay~ likes to cook), watch some movies and talk shit.
What I didn't know is that she hadn't eaten in a year. At least it appeard as such.
EvilAsianX is late for EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYFUCKINTHING. She was supposed to show up at 8, didn't get to my place till 9:15 and I was ready to go to sleep on her ass. I swear this girl needs to set her clocks two hours ahead to get anything accomplished. She's runnin on something worse that CPT.
Anyhoo, she gets in and I get her a plate going. Her request for the evening: dirty rice and fried chicken. Please don't ask. I couldn't begin to explain that one. Being the fact that she's Korean and eats, sleeps, breaths and shits rice, you'da think she wouldn't want any. WRONG. However, she has promised me death if I ever attempt to feed her plain white dead ass rice. I hooked her up with some kale and collard greens too. I had to explain to her that they are leafy veggies, yes they are good for you, and no they aren't seaweed. Yeah, she thought the kale was seaweed. LMAO. She's learning.
Watching her eat was like one of the 8th Wonder's of the World. Actually I was wondering when was the last time she ate. She sat on my couch and balanced a full dinner plate on one hand. That's skill folks. She picks up a chicken wing, looks it over and then takes a bite. Out of the entire wing. I'm like, "Um....that might be a little easier if you pulled it apart BEFORE you eat it." Still with the full sized dinner plate balanced in one hand waitress style, she fuckin picks the wing apart. That was the most hillarious thing I'd ever seen. I'm like, "WTF??" Of course she gets a second plate. When I'm thinkin she's done, she opens the fridge and looks for more! She looks at the tupperware and asks what's in them. After I explain the contents, she helps herself to some of Sunday nite's spaghetti. I'm like damn, wanna take some home too?
By this time she's damn near ready to hurl. Tole her ass to stop eating. The greens should make her shit so I'm thinking It'll all balance out. I've seen plenty of people throw down, but the leftovers too? She ate 3 different meals in 15 minutes.
I made her watch Malibu's Most Wanted. It's the worst piece of trash I've ever watched. I'm almost ashamed to own it. Almost. The shit was hillarious, yet stereotypical of course. I mean damn, Jamie Kennedy didn't have to ride on my man Em like that. (Yes, ~SunRay~ can recite almost every Eminem song ever put on wax.) It's like a spoof of spoofs. The three most notable, or the ones that I can actually remember, are from Boys N the Hood, Menace II Society and of course 8 Mile. I just love stupid movies.
Afterwards she decides she has to go to the grocery store. Okay no big issue. She needs food for the rest of the week. I'm thinkin she's bout to pick up some meat and veggies and all that good stuff. Um...NO. She comes out with a tray of Ramen Noodles (they was 10 for a $1), yogurt, fruit roll-ups, yogurt, a loaf of bread and Doritos. Where's the meal? I'm expecting her back next week. She'll need to be fed.
I like to have the company of someone other than Kootie Boy, aka, Couchman, aka DJ Scratch n' Sniff. Not sure how my houseguest of about 6 months received these monikers, but somehow they just stuck. Well, I gave him DJ Scratch n' Sniff cause he don't have a DJ name (he spins tunes on the weekends). I dunno why he didn't like that name. I think it has personality.
He showed me his new place a couple of weeks ago and it looks real nice. I like just cause...he won't be on my couch no mo'. I'm so proud of myself for being able to survive a houseguest. The first one I ever had was gone after only 3 weeks. That biatch got on my nerves. It's in my nature to help people though.
I've never liked to share my space and will probably live alone for the rest of my life. I enjoy it. If somebody ate the last of something, I know who did it. If somebody can't pay the light bill, I know why. If i wanna sit on the couch buckitassnekkid and eat ice cream straight out the tub, I can.
I like my freedom.
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