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Laid-out by nOva
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Vulnerable 12.30.03
10:12 PM • 5 comment(s)permalink

Some how, some way
We gotta make it up out the hood some day.
Some how, some way
We gotta make it up out this life.

I'm sitting here in my computer room, befuddled, disoriented and confused. I have no idea what can relieve this pressure I feel. The bills keep rolling in, cut off notice style, while my paycheck never increases. The resumes I send out echo down a hall of despair while I hover over my inbox praying someone takes interest in me among all of the other applicants. I can't live this way anymore. I don't want to work two jobs anymore. I shouldn't have to decide which one of my children will get new shoes while I'm still wearing the ones I bought in July. What's the point of a weight reduction program when I can't afford to eat? I guess that's weight reduction in its own right.

Going to work is a chore. I arrive later and later every morning. It started with 8:15, then 8:30 and has escalated to full blown 9:00. That's just how badly I don't want to be there; I don't care when I show up. This honky cracka bastard is constantly fucking with me. He's a sneaky shit. He's constantly pressing my buttons trynna make me go off. I think he gets some kind of perverse pleasure out of it. I gave him the satisfaction once, stepping to him and asking him if he had a problem with me, and if so, what the hell for. Of course he professed innocense, but he's about two seconds away from an ass whoopin. I feel it. I can't let him win.

New Year's is coming, but I don't care. I'm being pulled this way and that by my friends and they just can't understand that I don't want to be bothered with the hoopla and bull that surrounds the new year. My spirit is definitely being affected. I feel drained. I've had 3 different people (one female) request sex from me, all with in the span of 24 hours. Can I live? Can I be? Let me breathe.

This too, shall pass.

you are teal
#008080

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

nOva and these dumb quizzes!

•   •   •
Friday Five 12.26.03
01:12 PM • 6 comment(s)permalink

1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year?
Keeping my home out of foreclosure.

2. What was your biggest disappointment?
Not finding a job that pays enough for me to manage my debt better.

3. What do you hope the new year brings?
Positivity to my spirit.

4. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? If yes, what will they be?
Nope. Don't believe in them.

5. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
Some friends want to get together. It's more likely that I'll stay home and reflect on 2003 and start planning a strategy for 2004.

•   •   •
Throwing In the Towel 12.25.03
02:40 AM • 3 comment(s)permalink

Crimmus merrnin is finally here! Now to make it through the rest of this day.

Assembly required is not my friend.

I've struggled for the past hour trynna figure out how to assemble my sons' Hot Wheel race car track. It's really nice to want to save the trees by conserving paper by writing the assembly directions in a gazillion different languages to share the same page. However, at 2 AM that shit becomes a burden. I said...FUGG IT. Imma let somebody else figure that shit out. He got plenty of shit to play with while that one is, um, on hiatus. After taking an hour to assemble Barbie's Donut Shop and some Polly Pocket crap, I'm so out of it.

As soon as this entry is done, I'll get prolly 5 hours of sleep, receive a barrage of phone calls and get to cooking.

We did get to decorate earlier this evening. We're just starting out in our little house and don't have much as far as decorations are concerned but we're getting there. I have lights in every place I could string them. Our goal is to string lights around the perimeter of the entire livingroom. We're close. I've got some lights in the windows and put up my traditional tacky decor. The only tradition I've started since I've been on my own is to go to Old Navy every year and buy about 1 or 2 of their most awful decorations. They are a riot. I've got a santa dog that says, "Ho, ho, ho, Meeerrry Christmas." I've got another santa dog that is a wind up toy and it moves its arms and legs up and down. Oh yeah, I can't forget the egg fu yung carton shaped like a santa belly. The latest addition to my tacky decoration family....santa shaped lights (from CVS) and a rolly polly santa (from Old Navy) that is actually a high bouncy ball! That shit rawks. Will be posting pix after Crimmus.

My cousin and his wife are making rounds dressed as Mr. & Mrs. Claus. Yeah the hell they did. Crazy negros. They come callin me, tombout: "We gon' honk the horn. Let the kids look out the window" I open my door and these too nuts are Santa and Mrs. Claus. Ya'll know I tooks pics of that shit. Will be posting. They went to my sisters houses and gramma. LOL

I wish I were high right now. Maybe I'll forget all the money I spent?

•   •   •
The End is Near 12.24.03
09:13 AM • 4 comment(s)permalink

'Twas the nite before Crimmus
when i checked my account
And I realized
the mortgage check gon' bounce

Thank you, thank you very much!

Written by: ~SunRay~

THE 12 DAYS OF CRIMMUS

On de fert dey of Crimmus ma boo dun give ta me!!!
A 78 Cutlass Supreme!
On de secont dey of Crimmus ma boo dun give ta me!!!
Too gold teefs an a 78 Cutlass Supreme!

On de therd dey of Crimmus ma boo dun give ta me!!!
Tree hot wings, too gold teefs,
an a 78 Cutlass Supreme!

HERE'S THE EDIT: OK, I'll cut to the chase...

On de twelt dey of Crimmus ma boo dun give ta me!!!

Twelb gubmint cheez,
'Levin jacked up hoopties,
Tin freaks a freakin',
Nyne playa haters,
Ate pimps a pimpin',
Sebin hommies chillin',
A six pak of forties,

Five Bags of Weed!!!!!!

Fo' pig feets,
Tree hot wings,
Too gold teefs,
An A 78 Cutlass Supreme!!!

LEROY, THE GOLD TOOTHED REINDEER

Leroy the GOLD TOOTHED reindeer
had a very NAPPY fro
and if you ever saw him,
he was at the LIQUOR sto'

All of Leroy's 'homeboys'
use to PLAYA HATE his 'game'
but they can't mess w/ Leroy..
'cause' he got a big OLE thang!

Then one smoggy CHRISTMAS day
SANTA came to say,
"Leroy...have you seen my sleigh?"
I know you had it the OTHER day!

So Leroy BROKE out runnin'
and SANTA pulled out his 'nine'
and SANTA shot poor Leroy
DEAD in his black behind....

Have a Murry Crimmus!

Written by: ~Some Miscellaneous Innanet Mofo~

•   •   •
Oops...He Did It Again 12.23.03
07:12 AM • 6 comment(s)permalink

Isn't nOva absolutely fantabulous?
I am loving this. (nOva is my personal slave)

I had no idea what the finished product would actually look like so this is equivalent to Crimmus morning for me. WhooooooHoooooooo! Wait till you see what he's done with his own. It's gonna make mine look like straight up and down doo-doo.

I aint going to work again till next Tuesday. Them mofos had me in there on a SATURDAY of all days and I'm way behind in my Crimmus shit. I needed the time off anyway.

I'm still praying for the kids' bikes and cd players to get here atleast on xmas day. I took the chance and ordered them on Saturday. I got tired of waiting on other people that were able to take me to get them. Depending on other people really sucks.

Over the weekend my sustas called me and asked what they could bring to xmas dinner **GULP** since i'm the one cooking this year and has been for the past 3 years now. The whole point of ME cooking is to save everyone the pain of eating THEIR cooking. They suck in the worst way. The only edible thing on their dinner tables is whatever they didn't cook. Seriously. Instead of asking them to bring bread and ice this year, I asked Thing One to make a salad, which can be bought bagged. Thing Two is responsible for cooking some greens, which she can't fuck up too much. If they don't taste that good, I'll just hook em up before I put them on the table. No biggie.

My house looks like shit. In exactly 2 days, my house is gonna be full of people and it looks like a trailer park exploded in here. Somebody get me a maid for Crimmus. THX.

•   •   •
Friday Fizzive 12.20.03
12:47 AM • 2 comment(s)permalink

1.List your five favorite beverages.
Water
Sprite
Vodka
Hawian Punch (Fruit Juicy Red)
Strawberry Dacquari mix.

2. List your five favorite websites.
Am I Annoying
Happy Bunny
Chiasso
MTV News
Kiyonna

3. List your five favorite snack foods.
Doritos
KC Masterpiece Lays
Nutter Butter Cookies
Breyer's Ice Cream
Pizza

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games.
Clue
Uno
Spades
Operation
Trouble

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games
Nintendo
Zelda
Tetris
Galaga
Tennis

•   •   •
Buy Me Stuff 12.19.03
02:08 AM • 2 comment(s)permalink

Am I the only slacker that hasn't started Crimmus shopping yet?

Bah Humbug. I no like Crimmus. It's a heap of doo-doo. Holidays were designed to boost the profit margin of the retail industry and pressure consumers to live up to unrealistic expectations of relatives who are unfortunate victims of some marketing genius. I'm not a religous buff, however, I don't quite understand why all the religous holidays fall around the same time of the year. If someone knows why/how this happened, please hit me up and explain. Is it really a mere kawinkie dink that Channukah, Crimmas and Kwanzaa are all with in about a week of each other? Can I be a millitant Black/Jew/Christian and not come to work for the whole month of December because of my religous belief(s)? Yeah I'm looking for a way to make this work.

I am trying to teach my kids what Crimmus is and to embrace the principals behind that. Unh unh. Ain't happening. All I hear out of their mouths is, "Can you buy me, can you buy me?" Hell to the naw I aint buyin you shit.

I had another Attack of the Ex today. I wish this loser would quit coming to my friggin job. If I don't return your calls, take it as a sign. If I ignore you when you are at my place of employment, a place you should NEVER, under any circumstances just drop by, chances are I don't want to talk to you. It's possible that I may not even like you. We're not together for a reason. Let it go.

Last nite I had a convo with The Big Homie upstairs and tole him to send me a good man. I'm tired of all the losers, playas and immature jerks he sends my way and I was requesting a quality bruvah. He sent that loser I already rejected. What gives? I think Big Homie needs a new hearing aide. He always gets my orders all confusid.

•   •   •
Eh 12.13.03
01:59 AM • 3 comment(s)permalink

I've been M.I.A for a minute. I'll get more consistant later on. Life is hectic I tell you. I haven't been keeping up wit my stalkees and I suck for that.

Man I had a turd of a day yesterday. Folks just kept fuckin with me left and right for unknown reasons.

Issue #1: Someone removed the sign in sheet from my desk yesterday and neglected to put it back when they were done. I looked in Furry's office but didn't see it sitting on top of his desk so I left. I was informed that it was actually in there and had to go into this pit of an office and look for it. GROSS. Then when this jackass returns to work the following day, he asks me, "Did you find the sign in sheet?" Do you NOT SEE that damn sheet sitting in front of you. Stupid ass.

Issue #2: I don't give a fuck how long you stayed in my house or what belongins you still have at my house, there is NO EXCUSE for you to go to my house when I'm not there. PERIOD.

Issue #3: If you don't not see a fucking Crimmus tree or an inkling of a Crimmus decoration, please do not ask, "You don't have a Crimmus tree up?"
You dumb bastard, do you SEE a Crimmus tree? If you do not see it, chances are, IT AIN'T THERE.

Issue #4: "~SunRay~ you must focus every minute of your free time on me because I'm your only friend on this planet." There are so many things wrong with this thinking. While I do love all my friends, even the ones that make me sick, I can't call you every nite. I can't hang out every weekend. It's call having a life. Maybe I'll buy them one for Crimmus.

Issue #5: Losers. My personal Geek was under the impression I was gonna blow off my doctor's appointment to give him a lunch time quickie this week. I told him he was a fool and he could come over here if he wanted to, I just wouldn't be here. And have a nice day! Mofos hate to see you doing something to better yourself, be it financially, mentally, or spiritually.

I know that some blogs are exaggerated to make more interesting reading, however, this dumbfuckery is actually a part of my life? Ain't that sad?

I joined a gym for the first time in my life. It's a small gym, but it seems okay so far. I've only been once and I'm going again tomorrow. Personal training services are free at this club. I really don't think I'm gonna like the trainers though. They are mostly guys and I feel they have a serious hands off approach when it comes to me because I'm big and I'm a woman. I'm never gonna reach my goal dealing with these candy asses. I like the boot camp I go to at nite much better GI Jane kicks my ass 3 nites a week. I've had great success with her before and I have to be in it for the long haul this time. My approach is agressive: Monday-gym; Tues, Wed, Thurs-gym in the afternoon, boot camp in the evenings; Friday-optional and gym on Saturday. This is gonna be rough. Can somebody PayPal me a chicken wing? THX.

•   •   •
I'm Back! 12.01.03
04:27 AM • 6 comment(s)permalink

nOva finally fixed my blog! yeah!

I was forced into early blog retirement right after Halloween. Ain't that a bitch?

Thanks to all the well wishes from my fellow bloggers regarding my Fat Quest. Surgery is a last resort and if this weight reduction program doesn't work, then well, my options are limited. My trainer is willing to take me back for a discounted rate. I hope I can talk her into FREE. I can afford free.

Last Wednesday, I had my first appointment with a bariatric doctor. Nothing much happend this visit. I had my vitals and weight taken. I also had a EKG. I'd never been hooked up to so many wires ever. I felt like Frankenstein. Right after she finished hooking the archaic machine up, she was like, "Okay. We're done" I'm like damn that's it. It took 10 minutes to hook up and 2 seconds to do the actual test. What gives? Next came the dreaded part: Having my blood drawn. It hurt like no other. Of course no one can ever find my vein, so I usually offer the back of my hand because it's simpler. The back of my hand decided it didn't want to bleed that early in the morning and I don't blame it. So guess where they took it from...my friggin wrist! I KNEW that shit was gonna hurt by the way he looked at it. He gonna tell me it aint gonna hurt no more than the back of my hand. Bullshiiiiit. I told him straight up that he was lying. Maaaaan, it hurt so bad I actually yelped out loud. When I go back this Wednesday, I'll get my diet and whatever supplements I'm suposed to take. Yeah.

Next in comes Dr. Doom & Gloom who tells me, "SunRay, lose 180 lbs or die." Gee. Thanx. That mofo don't ever have nuffin nice to say. He did say for me to come back even if I couldn't pay. I like free.

My Xgiving was chill. Nobody was makin any commitments to cook, so I made my own plans the week before xgiving. THEN gramma decides she wants to cook. Heffa. I knew she'd do some shit like that. It was cool though. I made a dinner for me and the kids and EvilAsianX came over with some pie and sodas and random snack junk for the kids. She's just like a gramma: she always got a snack lurking somewhere in the vicinity.

On Saturday, I took the kids shopping for xmas decorations. I'm thinking about decorating the outside of the house this year. I found lights in the shape of candy canes...and they bubble! I want enought lights to make space ships jealous. Imma be that house on the block that causes a blackout. Imma make Blonde Wonder help me get home the reindeer and Santa made of xmas lights so I can put them on my lawn. I also did a bit of xmas shopping. I basically bought gifts for the people I don't like, **cough** my sisters **cough** and got them out the way. I don't like them much, I don't spend much. It seems fair. And my mother....I bought her a nice leather jacket from Wilson's Leather last year. Wanna know how many times she's worn it...TWICE. Wanna know what she's getting for xmas this year....DRAWZ. I ain't playin with her. She got 2 more years of crappy gifts to make up for not wearing that leather.

'Tis the season!

•   •   •