Some how, some way
We gotta make it up out the hood some day.
Some how, some way
We gotta make it up out this life.

I'm sitting here in my computer room, befuddled, disoriented and confused. I have no idea what can relieve this pressure I feel. The bills keep rolling in, cut off notice style, while my paycheck never increases. The resumes I send out echo down a hall of despair while I hover over my inbox praying someone takes interest in me among all of the other applicants. I can't live this way anymore. I don't want to work two jobs anymore. I shouldn't have to decide which one of my children will get new shoes while I'm still wearing the ones I bought in July. What's the point of a weight reduction program when I can't afford to eat? I guess that's weight reduction in its own right.

Going to work is a chore. I arrive later and later every morning. It started with 8:15, then 8:30 and has escalated to full blown 9:00. That's just how badly I don't want to be there; I don't care when I show up. This honky cracka bastard is constantly fucking with me. He's a sneaky shit. He's constantly pressing my buttons trynna make me go off. I think he gets some kind of perverse pleasure out of it. I gave him the satisfaction once, stepping to him and asking him if he had a problem with me, and if so, what the hell for. Of course he professed innocense, but he's about two seconds away from an ass whoopin. I feel it. I can't let him win.

New Year's is coming, but I don't care. I'm being pulled this way and that by my friends and they just can't understand that I don't want to be bothered with the hoopla and bull that surrounds the new year. My spirit is definitely being affected. I feel drained. I've had 3 different people (one female) request sex from me, all with in the span of 24 hours. Can I live? Can I be? Let me breathe.

This too, shall pass.

you are teal
#008080

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. The world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. You shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

Your outlook on life can be bright or dark, depending on the situation. You are flexible and see things objectively.
the spacefem.com html color quiz

nOva and these dumb quizzes!

30.December.2003    10:12 PM     Commments: 5

5 comment(s) » add yours


(((hugs)))

You know I know exactly how you feel about the job - I feel the same way. 2003 really kicked a brotha's ass six ways from Sunday. And to top it off, my damn blog's broke!

Relax, relate, release....

posted by karsh | 12.31.03 01:30 AM


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I feel exactly what you are going through. But like you said, "this too shall pass". This is another one of life's trials to have you reflect on the many blessings that you already have in life (a family, friends..)

I will keep you in my prayers and have a blessed new year.

posted by Ray | 12.31.03 02:06 PM


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Wow, I can understand your situation. Life is all about overcoming our struggles and growing stronger because of them. God is still working on us all. Keep your head up shorty, 2004 is bound to be better!

posted by Rocka | 12.31.03 03:30 PM


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oh honey, I think I posted similar entries like 3 times on my site. I certainly feel you on this one, sugarfoot. We still need to figure out our next side-hustle before we both go postal up in this beee-itch!

posted by nOva (in ATL) | 12.31.03 10:12 PM


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Ooohweee I was just going through the same thing...just at my wit's end. I'm on the other side of the depression thing now, though, because I realize that my life can go nowhere but up. Bad times don't last always is what I tell myself, so I'm gone tell you the same thing.

Stay strong.

posted by Lisa | 01.01.04 11:46 AM


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