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Laid-out by nOva
© 2003-2005 QUEENSEXY.NET
Since acquiring cable innanet, I'm ready to ditch A-O-Hell and tell dial-up to kiss my ass. I just spent 20 minutes of my precious life on hold. Eventually a Customer Service dude named Jim pops on the line. I tell Jim I want to cancel the service and he's "so sorry" to hear that. He asks me some questions. I say I wanna cancel. Jim offers free trials. I say I wanna cancel. He begs, pleads and does the tootsie roll. I still don't want no fukkin A-O-Hell. Then he wants to know why I'm cancelling....Cause this software is some shit! Piece O' Crap. It feels so good to be liberated.
• • •
|Makin' It Happen
"I'm no longer confused
But don't tell anybody
I'm about to break the rules
But don't tell anybody
I got something better than school
But don't tell anybody
My momma will kill me
Don't tell anybody
She wants me to get a good ass job
Just like everybody
She aint walked in my shoes
I'm just not everybody"
I'm not a big Kanye West fan and have even despised some of his work. This one particular verse from Graduation Day, an interlude on his debut album, The College Dropout, speaks to me. I've never liked school, aside from art and always felt it was a waste of my time. As a high school student, I couldn't relate to how those hundreds of thousands of pages I was required to read would help me become a well rounded person and a candidate for a high powered, good paying job. I feel the same about college. The text contained between the covers of those books have been consumed soley for my entertainmet. I certainly don't feel any smarter. I don't see the reasoning for paying 30k for a piece of paper. I'm struggling to get a job. My degreed friends are struggling to get a job. Who is benefiting from a college degree?
Two weeks ago I decided to take an alternate route to the Metro station. Walking along, something caught my eye. It was house, similar in style to mine, all boarded up. It's a nice house and with some work it could be a beautiful home. For a week I'd admire it and keep walking. Last week I couldn't keep passing this house and decided to take a closer look. It's raggedy and worn down but there's something very nostalgic about it and I'm not sure what it is. When ever I walk by it, I'm left with a longing. I want that house.
How am I gonna get it?
I have no money and shoddy credit. Broke. Young. Black. Female. I'm not a person a bank wants to loan money to. With some perseverance and a second job, I should be able to get financially stable. With the credit problem partially solved, I'm faced with another issue of getting money for a down payment. I need a plan.
Renovate current house
Buy abandoned house
Rent current house
Yes? No? Not sure how concrete that plan is. Real estate is where it's at. Everybody wants to buy a house. Nobody wants a house they have to put a lot of work into. How hard can this be?
Get a loan
Get a loan
Simple, right? If it were that simple, wouldn't more people be doing it? I'm scared to death and have no idea where to start. Goodbye college. Hello real world.
Word to your mother.
• • •
|Convo With the Cabbie
A cab driver stopping for a black woman in downtown DC is nearly impossible. It took me almost 20 minutes to get a cab. I was finally able to flag down a fare chaser, who of course, didn't know where the hell I was going and requested directions. No bigge. When the ride was almost over, I asked him if he had a pen. When I was done with it, I said, "Thank you" to him just like my momma taught me. A few minutes later he asked me for the correct pronunciation for the word thank you. (He's from Sudan, btw.) I explained it to him. He was very confused because he didn't understand why Americans don't prounounce the word thank with the "th" consonant blend but with just the "t", so it sounds more like "tank you". His English is very good and expressed his frustration with the rudeness of Americans when he speaks properly. He asked me if he should pronounce thank you like the americans and not use the consonant blend. I told him he should always use proper English even if Americans don't. It's the right thing to do. He also expressed his frustration concerning trying to fit in with American culture and just not quite getting it. For a minute I was able to unwrap myself from my own petty problems and really feel where this man is coming from. I was born in America and have lived here all my life and still don't fit in.
• • •
The contract for my job went up for renegotiation today. **sigh** Something is better than nothing, right? That's the lie I'm developing into my reality. HR Lady went to bat today against Boss Lady to get me a wage that's comprable to what other people in this area with the same position make. I am disappointed Boss Lady wasn't more flexible but I was expecting that. There are some good points about Boss Lady, however, she needs to be aware slave trade is over and done with. The defense for the resistance for the reluctance to upgrade me to my market rate is: 1) No one at The University got a raise last year. 2). I don't have a degree 3). I'm ONLY a Receptionist. Your "Receptionist" also balances your budget and write reports that make you good. Well at least presentable. At this point I'm going to consider any increase as a blessing. Back to the want ads I go. (Most of the ads are bullshit, btw)
Hr Lady is ready to play the race card. The other admin makes much more than I do and that can be justified because of her Master's degree. The other admin is offered more career development opportunites than I am. The other admin is given more thought provoking projects while I pratically create stuff for myself. I'd rather not continue.
Guilt is a bitch. It comes in handy though. As I pray for payday or a child support check, I had no idea how I was gonna eat today. Boss Lady comes to me and hands me her company card and asks me to get lunch for her and a couple of her guests. Maybe my expression prompted her to haphazardly add, "Get something for yourself too." Of course I will. I'm glad I didn't have to eat air for lunch. Gratuity eases guilt for most people.
• • •
|Me So Horny
Need we say more? Really.
Your reputation precedes you, but not on the bathroom walls.
Itís more a word-of-mouth thing, and word is your mouth is the best.
Not in a slutty way, but a mind-blowing way.
Hey, youíve got natural gifts so you may as well use them the way God intended, right?
And whoís to say God didnít intend for you to make men whimper at your feet (or your neck or your ass?)
And if that ainít heaven, what is?!
Are *You* Good In Bed?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva
I'm marrying my vibrator. This is my third week of drought and it sucks. Where is the available penis? Somebody bring me a hard dick. StankYouSmellyMuch.
I love the Villiage Voice Dan Savage is such a bastard. He gave out some good info about female ejaculators and I don't feel so weird now. I've put a couple eyes out in my day. I used to be so self conscious about it cause I always thought I was takin a piss on my partner, but that's not the case. I can squirt it just like a dude. Ain't that the shit?? Female ejaculaters rawk!
• • •
|ON. MY. NERVES.
I'm so tired of being disappointed by those that are closest to me.
*Newsflash* In the deep dark recesses of my heart, feelings reside. I do have them. Respekt em, k?
There are way too many people that depend on me. Yes it's partially my fault because I'm willing to help. When I'm in need, ain't nobody around and that shit is gettin real old. Folks are just fulla shit.
Yesterday I was reading an article in the City Paper. DC has established an initiative to get welfare mammas into jobs. The city has hired contractors to go door to door to tell the welfare chicks they need to come to a location and participate in a job program or receive a deduction in monthly benefits. This man has to go to the worst parts of the ghetto, through well known gang territory and drug markets to get to these women. They give the sorriest excuses.
"I got a baby."
"Iown like dressin up."
"I cain't work causa my knee bad."
One chick was straight gettin blunted when she answered the door. What kinda shit is that? Why would somebody want to live like that? DC is going about this the wrong way. These able bodied people are being treated like babies and this kind of treatment is unwarrented. Poverty is rough, no doubt. A person doesn't deserve multiple chances when they don't want to do shit. CUT THEY BENEFITS. STOP THEY CHECKS. DC needs to rethink its priorites.
Wanna know what these chicks get for participating? $200 a month for transportation and lunch expenses. Fully paid child care. $750 bonus for securing a job. Several bonuses there after for KEEPING the job. All of this is in addition to their check and foodstamps. Section 8 has been revised. People receving Section 8 subsidy for their rent payments now have the option of buying the houses they're renting. Let's recap. The government is paying for their lunch, transportation, childcare, food for household, and now, the house they live in. Let's not forget education. If you get a check, you go to school for FREE and are exempt from participating in job related activites. Graduating school debt free...what a concept.
This system makes me sick.
• • •
|The Neighbors are Watching
I've lived in my little house in this (fairly) quiet neighborhood for a year and a half now. I'm still as in love with this house as I was when I first saw it. I'm very proud to live among hard working black people. I still don't know any of my neighbors and I prefer to keep it that way. All of the other home owners are decades older than I am, retired even, and I'd rather not have them all up in my business. Our neighborhood advisory council leader is the nosiest thing you'll ever encounter. It's one thing to know what's goin on in the neighboorhood, being that's her responsiblity, but it's a whole nother thing to get all up in somebody's personal bizness. I really didn't need to know how fertile my next door neighbor is, having produced 12 kids. She's a very nice woman but I keep my conversations very limited with her. No one knows anything about me, not even my name. That's how it's going to stay.
Speaking of the man next door, he decided to pay me a visit tonite. I was a bit perplexed when my daughter came to me and told me someone was at the door since I wasn't expecting a visitor, nor had I made a booty call. I peek out the door, thinking it's my son's barber, until the man turns around.
He introduces himself and explains his visit. His car is registered in Maryland and he keeps getting $100 tickets. He goes on to ask me if he could park in my backyard for a fee. Of course I need the money, but there's no way in hell I could do some Sanford and Son, country ass shit like that. I mean ew. My bedroom door leads to the backyard. I don't want to have to step around his car when I want to chill outside. Why not just register the car in DC? Makes more sense to me.
• • •
|About ~SunRay~, Part Deux
It's time to reveal the answers to my Friend Test. I'm surprised by the turn out. The people I thought would take it didn't and a couple of my silent stalkers did and scored surprisingly well, being that I've never interacted with these folk a day in my life. With out further delay...the answers. NOTE: None of these questions were trick questions. If you know me well enough, you'd know all the right answers.
1. What is my first name?
Everybody got this one right! YAY BLOGGERS!
2. When is my birthday?
Most of you got this right. I know Sept. 11 threw a couple of people off cause that's another Virgo date. 8/26/80 baby! You know when to leave your donations. I'm not picky...money, cars, food stamps...I can work witchu.
3. Am I a lesbian?
Only on weekends
Unknown, even to me
LMBAO at the variety of answers chosen. No one thinks I'm a lesbian. I could be, but maybe not, hence leaving the answer to this questions as "unkown"
4. Who is my personal layout slave?
Everyone got this right. How could you not know? He puts his pawprint all over every damn thing.
5. I'm still in college. What's my major?
Been hanging around geeks too long.
6. How many kids do I have?
She's 4 months pregnant
Another collective point for the bloggers! You guys pay attention. If I were pregnant now, I'd have to go find the highest point in DC and jump the fuck off.
7. Am I engaged?
She needs a black man with a big black dick
Hell no, I'm not engaged. Most people got this right. A couple think I'll be living in spinsterhood (which is prolly true). Big black dicks are welcome.
8. What do I yearn for?
A New World Order without DUBYA
A loving stable relationship
A pot of gold (0 points)
A laptop (0 points)
Access to my boss' checking account
We'll have several New World Orders before I have a decent relationship.
9. What is my latest project
Pimpin hoez and drinkin 40's
Screwing the government of millions
It is true that I occasionally pimp hoez, have lots of sex and cheat the government, my focus is weight loss.
10. What is my biggest fear?
Marrying someone I don't love
Being like my mom
Being like my sisters
I'm used to being embarrassed. I've accepted the fact I may marry someone I don't love. I have too much sense to be like my mom or sisters. Failure is my fear. Being a big fat LEH-HOOS-HER.
Thanks to all who were willing to participate.
Highest Silent Stalker Score: Lynne D. Johnson
Highest Family Score: HunniBunni
Highest Blogger Score: EJ Flavors
• • •
|Mindin Mah Bidness
Can I live? Can I be? Get out mah face! I swear every time Office Movers come to our floor to do some shit, they always trynna spit G-A-M-E. Lemme lone! Iown want you! Git'! I'm here to work, not be a fucking decoration. This is not what was intended when they signed your bitch ass up for the work release program. Don't bova me, k?
Moving right along, this is my 3rd day of the Atkins diet. Yeah, yeah I know...and shut up. I'm sick of this weight, and quite frankly, I'm tired of all these dumb diets. I have a "resistant metabolism" that doesn't take very well to dieting. Somebody send me a biscuit. Thanks.
I'm following this diet, eating my eggs n shit and decide they could use a little pepper. I hook em up. As I'm chewing mah eggs I feel a sneeze coming on. I have 1/10th of a second do attempt to hold the sneeze, attempt to swallow the half chewed eggs or open my mouth and let the eggs fly. My nose made the decision for me and I fuckin sprayed eggs beside my desk. Iown wanna clean that shit up.
Elmo, my trainer, went up on his rate today. Granted, he gave me a discount off his original $600 a month rate but I could never afford that shit in the first place. So now it's gone from $200 to $400. I won't be having many more months with him. I just don't have an extra 400 a month. *SIGH*
I'm having a problem with homoskexuals right now. I don't want to come across another homo that talks with a lisp. I HATE that shit. You didn't speak with a lisp before you came out the closet, why do that shit now? I DO NOT have the patience for a psuedo speech impediment. If I come a cross another homo that speaks with a lisp, Imma smack him with the breath of Jesus.
I'm also tired of people assuming I have an attitude cause I'm not interested in hearing what the fuck they got to say at a given time. So the fuck what. Maybe what you're talking about isn't of interest to me. Back up. If I can touch you, you're standing to close to me.
Our building management here at work needs to man the fuck up and get us some good engineers. We had a good engineering staff until they changed it a few months ago. One guy has been with this building before, the other hasn't. This other dude needs to get a grip. He's unprofessional to the nth degree.
I'm not sorry for this bitchy, ranty, profanity ridden post. Word to your mother.
• • •
|Work It Out
I just got back from the gym and I'm feeling good. I've been a member of a gym since December an this is the first time I've taken any of the classes. Thus far, I've only used the personal trainer services, which I really like. It took me a while to get used to my trainer, Elmo (yeah he looks like Elmo) cause 1) I'd never been trained by a guy before and 2) He and I have very similar personalties. Would you really want to be trained by someone that's just as meniacal as you are? I didn't think so.
The class is called Rep Reebok and I came in during the Power phase. This class has 3 phases: Power, Strengh and Endurace. The phases are rotated every three months. This class was actually easy for me. Next week I'll use heavier weight. Because I didn't know what to expect of this class, I used baby 3 and 5 pound weights and I also didn't want to wear myself out before my session with Elmo tomorrow afternoon. I've decided I need to hit the gym 5 days a week instead of my usual 2. This weight just isn't coming off. I've devised my plan and this is the first day I've carried it out. I hope I can stick with it.
Boss Lady came in the office looking very slick today. She was trying out a new color. I belive it was coral. I was surprised at her color change (she always wears black) and told her she looked good and went to inspect her suit. She says that means a lot coming from me and I was shocked by her remark. I never thought my fashion opinion mattered that much to anybody. Glad it made her day.
My HR Ladyis going to renegotiate my contract for the upcoming fiscal year, which starts in July for The University. The HR Lady did some research and found out I'm underpaid by $8,000 which is a significant amount of money. Hopefully Boss Lady will give in and give me the money I deserve. If not, I'll use that job and it's good benefits to have my gastric bypass then I'm out once I recover.
I'm loving the mix cd Baby Daddy made for me a couple of weeks ago. Word to my mother, his mixes are the bizzomb. Freeway's ugly ass is the new love of my life. What We Do is my new favorite song. I'd heard it once or twice before but I'd never listened to the words before. I'm loving it.
If a sneak start leanin' and the heat stop workin'
Then my heat start workin' I'm-a rob me a person....
Eventhough what we do is wrong...
Jay's verse annoyed me, cause, well most the shit he says annoys me but I love this line in his verse:
But I gotta feed Tianna mang...
So I move keys you can call me the Piano Man
Rain...sleet, hail...snow man
Slang dough, E, hydro man...
Okay, Imma stop gushing about this song now. I'm out.
• • •
Graysie made her way up to DC Friday morning. Yessaday, she rolled through to pay me a visit.
Poor baby got confused with her left and right. I just couldn't understand why she had so much trouble finding my house when I kept telling her my house is the ONLY yellow one on the street. Looks like it came straight out the crayon box. She steps out of her little red Jetta and I'm just in AWE. She's so cute. She'd be the bestest cuddle bear. She's got these big (tits) blue eyes that she plays up with some shimmery eye stuff, which I'll call eye shadow. Maybe there was a little eye liner in there. I have no knowledge of war paint.
It's time to bounce over to the 'hood and grab nOva. On the way there, I spots a FINE ASS CHOCOLATE TASTY SPECIMIN of a man in the right lane in a white or possibly silver Acura. I couldn't get enough of lookin at this dude. Neither could Grayse cause homeboy ALMOST had her crunch the back of a van. Fresh ass shape up, big brown eyes, broad shouldered, suckable lips...yeah I sho' woulda been a ho that day. Bruh had something comin' to em.
We get My Other Half . It had been years since I'd been to his hood and I was quickly remined why he hates being there. There sho' is a rack of niggas out there. Yeah I said it: N I G G A S That's exactly what they were. Bad ass kids running aroung. One little dumb fuck almost got himself hit. I had to yell at him to get his raggedy ass out the way. I shoulda beat his ass for good measure.
Graysie works at LB and her discount was 55% off for the weekend. Guess who had a good time? Lawd hep me. I got 400 bucks worth of stuff for 177. Caint beat that. We were short on time cause we had to feed HIM first. I caint eva go anywhere without feeding him. I had 12 minutes to find what I wanted and get the hell up outta there. I'mma be cute this summer ya'll.
Yes me n' nOva acted a fool the entire day. He always emburrasin me in front of company n stuff. He know better. Let's see...he bit my finger, attemted to poke my eye out and belched in the middle of the mall. He a hot date.
We get back to my spot and I hook up a pot of spaghetti for em. We chillin, watchin tv and just havin a fun doing not a damn thing. It was lovely.
• • •
|Where A Kid Can Be A Kid
Today we celebrated my son's 5th berfday at Chuck E. Cheese. Inneresting experience. Crowd. Screams. Kids. JOY. These family amusemnt places aren't my bag, but the kids love it so I gave in.
Because I don't drive, getting to these establishments is such a chore cause I hate hauling my kids around on the bus and train all the time. This was such last minute planning on my part, something I hate to do. I have no idea what transpired but somehow my mom threated my oldest sister with the breath of Jesus and made her give me a ride.
The Wicked Witches of Souf Eas were on time for a change. Last year when I had my daughter's party at Jeeper's, they were an hour late, had shady attitudes and wouldn't give me and the kids a ride home. We had to take the train and leave her gifts behind with my mother to be picked up another day. I was so upset and that was a terrible day for her. Yet I digress. I'm so glad Grandma came out. I don't get to see her often which is completely my fault cause I'm a lazy bitch.
I had a pretty decent server, she was thorough. She was efficiant and didn't have to write anything down. Man, I ordered so much food. I had no idea what was on my mind. The kids package came with a pizza and I ordered 2 more. When Gma came, she had coupons so I ordered 2 more for a total of 5. My server threw in one for free, just for the hell of it. I love it when a susta hooks me up. This is in addition to the salad bar, buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks. Oh and the big ass cake that I'll be posting pics of sometime next week. I have no choice but to head to the gym first thing in the morning. There was a slight glitch with the cd that plays the Birthday Song so they had to improvise until it was operational, which wasn't a big deal to me, but of course my annoying sister had to put her 2 cents in. "I"ll need to teach you how to go online and complain. You get free stuff." My response was, "The staff is doing okay, in my opinion." There is absolutely no reason to complain about something as minor as a whacked out cd. Shit happens, they fixed it and we moved on. Greedy heffas.
Skee Ball is my shit. That's the only thing I really like to play. We also took a pic that's a sketch. Will be posting that too. It's real cute. I love stuff like that.
When did kids' parties turn into a hook up spot? There is no reason to see tits and ass at a kids' party. I don't want somebody's broke down baby daddy. Most of them chicks prolly had to drag and cuss to get them daddies out anyway. The focus is celebrating the child's LIFE, not the momma's cleavage and ass.
The kids had the most wonderful time and I'm glad. My baby boy is five years old now and thinks he's a man cause he can tie his shoe! Aint that something?
• • •
I saw this at Karsh's Place and thought it was cute to try. Let's see how well you guys have paid attention to my various rantings. My current interview with nOva might be helpful.
Like go take my FriendTest . My recent interview with Baby Daddy might contain some of the answers. The correct answers will be posted here in about a week or so.
My Baby Daddy does some hot shit with these layouts. Ain't he the shizzle and some junk? In case you all aren't aware, he and I are the same person. Really. I"m loving the warm weather here in DC. I'm still feeling very feminine and junk. It's time for another manicure and pedicure. I don't know what's wrong. Somebody cuddle me.
Today is my son's 5th birthday. YAY!! Only 13 more years to go..... My mother was kind enough to point out that he isn't legal till he's 21, which I wanted to slap her for. Why she always gotta piss all over my joy? He's gonna be responsible for himself, fugg whatcha heard! Today he decided to exercise his newfound 5 year old independence and walk home from school ALL BY HIMSELF, scaring the crap out of his sister and the school principal. I was pissed a little, but didn't get too mad at him though. He was so proud of himself. I was thinking, "But what if I wasn't home?" What would he have done then? Would he have gone back to school and waited for his sister. I couldn't stand to think about it anymore, however, I did let him know he can never EVER do that again. He wants to be a big boy so bad.
I can't wait to go shopping. My guhl Graysie is comin up this weekend and we gon' tear Lane Bryant up! I never have other big girls to shop with and she gets a phat ass discount so it gonna be on and poppin. This is gonna be so much fun. I get to try on clothes with someone that actually shopps in the same store I do. That's so rare for me since most of my friends shop at Express or Victoria's Skrecrets. I hate them.
My weight loss program is going very slowly. I hate going to the doc every week, so...I stopped. I don't know if I'll go back and see him again. I don't like weighing in every week. I don't like those dumb pills I get, nor do I like that stupid vitamin injection I get in my ass. I'm really considering the gastric bypass. Blue Cross and Blue Shield will even pay for my reconstructive surgery, ie, skin removal, tummy tuck...maybe I can even get a breast lift out of the deal.
• • •