If you're looking to be entertained today, you've come to the wrong place. This post is more of a macabre nature. If you're feeling squeemish or the least bit brain dead, don't expand the entry. If you're nosey like I know most of you are, gon' head and keep reading.

I don't want to dream any more. Neva eva again in life. For the longest I've always had two different kinds of dreams: subconscious dreams that replay the bullshit I put forth during the daylight hours, and the surreal dreams, the ones I wish I never had.

I never understood the latter of the two. Snipets of dreams, they tend to be black and white or color and very disconnected. What's so bizarre about this particular type of dream is that's it's though I'm actually in the place displayed in my mind. All of my senses are much sharper: I'm sensitive to light and touch, I can hear (sometimes) and smell things. I can feel emotions. They're always very vivid and I always remember them. There are three particular scenarios that have stood out in my mind over the years, because I'm guessing they're turning points.

1). Buying my house. I saw this house in my dreams several years ago. In my dream, I woke up in a very large but stuffy room. I felt like I couldn't breathe and reached over to open a window. I remember that feeling. It was the same feeling I had my first nite here. The house and been closed up for so long it was stuffy and the residue from the contractors work agrravated my sinuses. The lot number for this house is 0826, the same as my birthday. I live around the corner from my grandmother's old house. I still haven't figured out why I've been led to this spot.

2) Beefing with the boss's husband. That man is a monumental pain in my ass. I remember trying to help him print his presentation the correct way and he and I couldn't agree for shit. I asked him about some program function and his replay was, "It's in the enviromnent." That wasn't helpful, being that I didn't know what the hell he was talking about. I saw that situation already, not sure how long ago. I remember the office, the emotions and even the smell from the dream I had.

3). I'm going to die. We all know we're going to die at some point, but I'm going to die soon. I saw it. I could smell it. I actually felt my spirit leave my body. She just kinda heaved herself out of my body, kinda how I heave myself out of bed when I don't want to go to work. The lighting in this dream was so bright. I was lying on a metal table with a lot of people around me. My guess is I was having some sort of operation. Maybe I'd been shot. Maybe I had a heart attack. There was no way to determine the cause. I saw me looking at me. I remember thinking, "I've always done my best." I also remember thinking of my kids and hoping they'd be okay, which makes me believe at that point in the dream, they hadn't reached legal age.

I've always wondered why I live so hard, so fast. Why do I have a way of getting what I want? How do I manage to come out of situations, virtually unscathed? I don't have answers for any of these questions. The most logical answer I can give is that my life's been predetermined for me. I've been given the ability to see bits of my life before it happens. I've seen my own death, and yes, I've been disturbed by it. I don't like this. I'd rather not know.

08.May.2004    09:17 AM     Commments: 10

10 comment(s) » add yours


I've seen my death. I tend to ignore it, because it always looks like something different each time I see it. It's almost like it's a moving target. The other premonitions are always very interesting. These dreams are like a seance. It's a strange thing.

posted by ej | 05.08.04 09:30 AM


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I don't think I've ever had a dream where I specifically died, but I do have a notion of how I'm going to die. Which is why I shut down at the thought of driving.

The thing is, I hesitate to examine whether or not these feelings are premonitions or just plain out fear of my own mortality. Really I just don't want to know. I'll let the grim reaper surprise me!

posted by Lisa | 05.08.04 02:14 PM


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Ya'll know i was planning to have a gastric bypass this summer, right? Right?

posted by ~SunRay~ | 05.08.04 02:16 PM


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I certainly hope you're misinterpreting your dreams. I've never dreamed of dying and I hope not to have such a dream. Poor thing. How uneasy this must make you feel.

On a lighter note I stopped by to wish you a loving Happy Mothers Day. I hope you enjoy it and have some time to kick back and relax.
Hugs...stop having those dreams right now!!

posted by Cheryl | 05.09.04 01:24 PM


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Dreams never cease to amaze me. Ive had my share of weird, prophetic & surreal dreams. I have dreamed of my death, but I have dreamed that I attended my own funeral.

One of my most memorable dreams is of me killing my father. In my dream, he was trying to kill my mother so I shot him. After I shot him, I ran over to him and I apologized. I begged him not to die and he said "Death is life. Dont cry for me." and he closed him eyes and died. I woke up from that dream crying.

A week later, my father passed away. I think of my dream as preparation for his death because when I realized that he passed, I never cried. I had a peace in my soul that was comforting. My mother told me that I was handling the situation so well that it frightened her. She feared that I was holding my emotions in only to explode later on. That never happened.

posted by Timi | 05.09.04 11:45 PM


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I 've had several dreams of my own death. The last couple of dreams, I realized it was a dream after I was dead and reincarnated myself. Never do you feel more powerful than bringing yourself back to the dead. I felt like Neo in the first Matrix.

But if you want some "professional" dream interpretation help on a self death dream, read this.

posted by Dre | 05.10.04 05:00 PM


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@ Dre--The interpretation of the death dream was interesting and I do feel that most of it applies to me. What could possibly explain the other two?

posted by ~SunRay~ | 05.10.04 07:24 PM


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Good qustion. Those are some really complex dreams with different themes. You may have to break 'em down to the basics and check out the site.

Don't let the dreams bother you though. It's your mind's way of working things out for you.

posted by Dre | 05.11.04 01:34 PM


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Dre you're right. I've read through this site you've sent me too and these dreams are very complex, they're saying a lot of things. It's overwhelming. Maybe I should invest in a professional to decode them. Thanks for the info. It's given me a better understanding of what's goin on.

posted by ~SunRay~ | 05.12.04 09:41 AM


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Wow. I don't even know what to say. It seems I'm the only person who hasn't had a dream that I died. I did have a dream I got shot...but I didn't die. I always knew that dreaming one thing usually means something else. I used to have a dream book. It's some fascinating shit. To be honest, I haven't had a dream (that I can remember) in a long time. I used to dream some crazy shit before I moved into this apartment. Who knows why. I don't even try to figure it out anymore. As Dre said, don't let them bother you.

posted by Blu | 05.13.04 05:15 PM


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