Edit--Tonite at 9:50 PM, Gramma departed us.

Edit Edit--I've been called upon to write a poem bout Gramma.
Why me??

I went to see Gramma today at the hospital. She's been sick for a minute but was getting better. Last Thursday, the day I left for ATL, she was taken back to the hospital cause her blood pressure dropped real low.

From last Thursday to now, she quickly deteriorated. When her blood pressure dropped, she was taken to the closest hospital, which unfortunately is one of the worst hospitals in the city. They wouldn't give her the acid reflux medicine cause they didn't prescribe it. She ate, threw up, and refused to eat again. For days she wouldn't eat and the little Ensure liquid meal things weren't helping. Monday she was transferred to another hospital.

When I walked into the room today, I didn't believe the woman I saw lying there was MY gramma. I looked into the other bed to make sure I wasn't overlooking my gramma. I had to face the fact that the small, frail decaying woman is my gramma. Now she has pneumonia and fluid in her lungs. She can't breathe on her own. Even her wig is gone, exposing the cropped white afro she protected for decades. She can't speak, nor will she open her eyes. Her mechanically assisted wheezing made my heart hurt. I went over to her to touch her head and stroke her cheek, wanting to make sure of what I was seeing was real. They say she could still hear, but I couldn't tell cause she can't respond. She's in pain. Her wheezing gets a bit louder and she squirms a bit. Staying in her room was difficult. She has the stench of death. I've experienced this smell before, watching my father's death, a slow death that spanned the course of four years. I attempted to review this year in my mind to determine when she felt like she was ready to die. I couldn't pinpoint why/who/when these feelings occured. Maybe she always had em. Why do the caring, gentle people are allowed to expire, but the cold, callous people are allowed to live forever?

When she decides to take her last breath, I will be almost alone. The only person left to care about what happens to me is my mother, cause no one else is really concerned. Gramma always supported me through whatever I chose to do and made sure to tell others to mind they damn business. Gramma made sure I was never stranded. Gramma made sure we always ate. She's the nucleaus, never to be replaced.

23.July.2004    07:35 PM     Commments: 15

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I am so sorry for your pain. I know how hard it can be watch a loved on suffer. I hope that you know that she is in good hands and whatever awaites her, her reward for her kindness and love to you is waiting for her.

posted by Mike (AKA Prime) | 07.23.04 09:10 PM


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I shed a tear for you and your gramma. It was a particularly painful tear for me to shed as I too had to come to the same realisation about my grams, the rock of our family, and the one closest to my heart. Even though it's been ten years it still hurts like yesterday, do my heart goes out to you mos def. Words won't help. I know. Just know that I feel your pain in the truest sense of that phrase.

posted by Monkie | 07.23.04 10:53 PM


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My thoughts are with you. Things like this are never, ever easy. Hugs to you and your mother.

posted by ej | 07.24.04 02:38 AM


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Big hugs to you, SunRay. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

posted by Elle | 07.24.04 09:07 AM


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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

posted by Carla | 07.24.04 01:49 PM


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My condolences to you and your family.

posted by Hopluv | 07.24.04 02:14 PM


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my condolences to you and your family.

my bf is at this very moment at the hospital with his gma - we don't know how much longer she has. she's been in and out for awhile now.

i personally can't imagine having to go thru such and ordeal. thanks be to God i still have my two gma's. they won't be here much longer so beginning today i will make it my bizness to bond with them for who knows when the Lord may call upon them to join him in his beautiful home.

*hugs* & prayers...

posted by goldenbrown | 07.24.04 09:54 PM


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shite knows why imma say this... but i (too) feel your pain. i remember when my great great great grandmother died... i was like 8? it was my first encounter 'n for the life of me i couldn't understand it. i cried & cried thinking it was "my" fault... for hours, even days. i think, deep inside i've never gotten over it - but i have let go. it was just so hard for me... is this depressin' you? lawd knows i fucked up my mood. anyway, i wish i could give you a hug, forreal.

posted by tionne | 07.25.04 07:00 AM


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Don't worry bout that poem. You'll think of something. Write from your heart and everything else will fall into place.

posted by Leeser | 07.25.04 07:32 AM


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My condolences to you and your family during this time of bereavement.

posted by MsThing | 07.25.04 09:02 AM


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I am sorry to hear this... But your grandmother is not feeling anymore pain... and that what's important.

posted by rocka | 07.25.04 10:47 AM


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My condolences. Cherish the memories (good & bad) and learn from them. Make sure your children know stories ensuring she lives on. That's all any of us can do.

My grandmom died when I was 10 (at 92). My nana died 2 years later in her 80s. I have few memories but I cherish them as I know you will.

Mike is right.

posted by Enigma | 07.25.04 05:52 PM


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I send my condolences to you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers.

posted by Moni | 07.25.04 06:25 PM


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I'm sorry to hear about your Grandmother's passing on.. You and your family are in my prayers.. Big huggs.

posted by Pam - Reddy | 07.25.04 10:33 PM


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hey sunray, this post touched me in away i wasnt expecting on a monday morning in the office. i want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers.

posted by ray | 07.26.04 09:09 AM


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