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Laid-out by nOva
© 2003-2005 QUEENSEXY.NET
My day started at 4:17 AM, 17 minutes behind schedule. I had to get myself together and out the door by 5. I did okay and left at 5:05.
After getting lost a little bit, I found my way to the medical building where I had to have my pee and blood test. We had a briefing bout some random stuff and I'd prolly remember what was said if I'd been paying attention.
The polygraph aint nearly as scary as I thought it would be. Ain't no big burly interrogator with coffee stains on his shirt. Ain't no dank, dark room. The Blonde Guy was actually pleasant and offered a box of tissues for my snotty nose. Yes, leave it to me to catch a cold three days before I took my polygraph, and today it was showin out!
I was coughin and a sneezin. After my test was over, The Blonde Guy said he was gon' take it to Quality Control and have it assesed. When he came back to check on me the first time, I was sleep. When he came back to check on me a second time, I was sleepin some mo'. So! He shouldn'ta took so long. They as a team (I'm guessing) decided I was too sick to finish the polygraph and it ended right there. He told me to reschedule when my cold was gone, because it was affecting the results and he wanted to be fair. Fair enough. BUT, what I think is gon' go down is I'll be retested. They gon' ask me the same shit, worded differently. Then they gon' compare the two readings to determine if I was lyin or not. I already tole they asses I aint fucked nobody in Al Qaeda. What more they want?!?!?
I was feeling kinda fucked up for the rest of the afternooon, cause I desperately want this shit to be over and done with. I the situation I'm in, I need a job, like soon. So having to wait weeks to retake that test, I aint feelin.
Tomorrow I gotta go back for the psychiatric evaluation. Fun.
• • •
This morning I had the misfortune of catching MTV Jams. What jackass came up with the concept for these dumb ass musical movies?
213- "Groupie Luv"
Snoop dogg n' nem niggas. This video actually kinda funny. Each of em got a groupie chick that's after em: a fat chick, a nerd chick and some broad with jagged teef. I'm sayin, why the fat chick gotta be pullin treats n shit outta her pockets? Snoop n' nem even turn around and offer a booty shake. Bout time niggas shake some ass. Video contains standard video hoes.
Lil' Scrappy- "No Prollem"
At the begining of this video, Lil Scrappy is just waking up. He rolls over and looks at the clock. At first, judging by his tiddies, I thought he was Nas. So! They got the same big ole bitties. Anyhoo, I'm annoyed that this video reinacts one of my favorite movies, Training Day. Lil' Jon flyin monkey lookin ass aint no Denzel and Scrappy Doo sure as hell aint no Ethan Hawke. Don't Snoop Dogg get tired of playin that damn handicapped dope slangin nigga? He can't even roll the wheel chair right. Ole frail ass nigga.
Have no idea what this song is called, and frankly, I don't care. All I know is Hammer babblin bout some stuff. He did a lil dance or two, nothing major. Hammer's a lil older now and a bit slower. Okay, a lot slower. For what reason did he have a bandana tied around his head? Ain't he posed to be a minister or sumfin?
New Edition- "Hot 2 Nite"
My boys are back! The lyrics aren't that inneresting, but it's a cute lil song none the less. They're good innertainers. I liked the dance sequence in the parking lot scene. Sorta reminds me of a river dance.
Ronnie-- Haven't quite figured out his purpose.
Ricky- That nigga still ugly. He shouldn'ta had so much camera time.
Ralph- His femine gestures concern me. I was expecting him to break out and vogue.
Mike- That nigga still aint growed none. It's likely he wears stilletos.
Johnny- I refuse to believe he's gay.
Bobby- Glad that bothersome nigga aint around.
These niggas wearin all black and leather trench coats. Why chicks prancin around in bras?
• • •
|It's My Bloggerversary
Tell my stuporvisor I'm leeeeaaaving early today and she still gonna pay me for the rest of my day.
Do you know what today is? It's my Bloggerversary, bloggerversary!
I've made it through a whole year of blogging. I had to be able to accomplish something this year, okay? Stop judging me! Shit.
Blogging has been a fun experience and I've met some good peoples along the way. I'm surprised at the friendships I've been able to cultivate and find them quite enjoyable. If I wasn't forced into blogging, I'd prolly be chillin on the couch watchin MTV or sumfin. I still haven't figured out how to do my own layout and I barely have the deisre to. As long as nOva has a breath in his body, I really don't have to.
"well regardless of what was, could or could not be - i hope that today is filled with an emotional high for you. i also hope your heart receives your desired blessings. and that there's an endurance that carries on with you."
Berfday wishes from that nigga T.Diddy. He all eloquent n stuff. Thanks to all who remembered (or were coerced into) birthday wishes.
Another year older. Ain't shit. I've always looked forward to aging. Aint got nuffin planned right now (how boring) but I did take the weekend off, so it's likely I'll find some kinda trouble to get into with EvilAsianX. This kids are goin to the Other Gramma's House, so I'll be chillin, no doubt.
The Feds is on my ass like whoah! My background investigation has started. They goin around harassin all my friends and they gon' make it round to my neighbors next. All of my neighbors are elderly, iown want them to be bothered. Scarin the old folk and whatnot. My neighbors couldn't say much bout me anyway cause I don't socialize with em. I come in my house right after work and don't come out unless I have to. They won't have much to offer. This has been an inneresting experience, no less. Next Monday and Tuesday, I go in for a medical and polygraph exam. I should pass.
• • •
|Ups n' Downs
Those Fed dudes started my investigation this week. Yesterday I received a message to call to set up a time for them to come talk to me and today we decided on next Thursday at 10 AM. He wants to talk to Boss Lady, Groovy and HR Lady. After he's done with them, he's gonna ask me a buncha shit he prolly already know. Homeboy didn't sound too pleased that they wanted to him to have the investigation completed within a week.
I talked to RMiller this morning and he says I have nothing to worry about. Cause they spending all this time and money on me, I'm already hired. He's more excited than I am. I am excited at the thought of having career options. (and getting a raise every 6 months for the 1st two years.) I'll just be glad when this long drawn out process is over. A susta need a job.
In other news, Granpa turned 80 yesterday. There was a small party for him last nite, which was over by the time I got there, dammit. The house is quiet now, empty even. He sure is missing Gramma a lot. They are preparing to clean out her room cause he wants my mom to move in. Mother really doesn't want to, but she's gonna do it anyway cause she feels obligated. Shit. If I was 56 I wouldn't wanna live with my daddy neither. He needs her though, and she knows this. Least she won't have to pay rent, therefore, leaving her with more money to pay my bills. Guess this situation works for erebody.
Being in that house now is difficult, cause I still expect to see gramma coming down the stairs, or sitting in the kitchen. The kids are still curious about death and ask granpa lost of questions, including what's gonna happen when he dies. He was very candid with them and I appreciate that. I don't think I'd given the explaination of how creamation works, cause that kinda upset my daughter. Gramma's death has been so hard for her. As far as I can tell, she's dealing with it okay. Nothing besides random moments of sadness, which I've been expecting.
• • •
I'm so pissed my stomach is churning.
Baby Daddy 2 called earlier (iown know why he called me in the afternoon;that nigga know i work) and left me his new number and asked for my email address. I call back and give it to him. Says he wrote something for The Boy and wants me to read it to him.
He's basically written my boy a letter apologizing for being the shitsack that he is. A big fat fucking zero who runs from responsiblity and uses his "developing manhood" as a crutch. Nigga get the fuck outta here with that incessant bullshit mang. Check the excerpt. (Background info: That nigga left for Cali when I was 5 months pregnant and didn't bother to come meet The Boy until he was about 2 years old.)
Naiveté took my soul over for a moment, as I thought that since you did not look like me, you certainly could not be a product of me. That was typical stupidity on my part. I have made a great many mistakes in my day, but I have yet to think of one mistake bigger than that.
As the years began to drag on, of course you began to take on an image very similar to my own. For a long time, I am not certain that it ever made a difference in me. I had a totally different life and a whole different set of responsibilities to maintain. Before I knew it, I began to see the ill of my ways. As you will see later in life, blossoming into the man people need you to be is a tedious process.
I've officially reached the end of my patience with aforementioned fuckery. Why do niggas feel they have the uninalienable right to fuck off and not be responsible? I gagged while reading this. Not one piece of sympathy do I have. If he dropped dead right now, I certainly wouldn't give a fuck. How bout mannin' the fuck up and handling your business like a soldier? I'm tired of having to be a man for these niggas that don't have the balls to hold shit down. I gotta trudge out here and work sun up to sun down while he's off "finding himself" and developing a career he wants. Am I bitter? Don't I sound fuckin bitter? You can bet your last food stamp I am.
He didn't have to ask me to read this shit to The Boy; he certainly coulda read this over the phone himself. This was also done for my benefit. I could care less what he's been through. Let's focus on the hurt and confusion he's put the boy through. Not understanding why "Daddy" is so far away, or, not understanding why "Daddy" pays so much attention to his other kids. My temples are pounding as I type this.
So far, I have failed you above and beyond my wildest imagination. All I ask is that God and you forgive me, and allow me the privilege to rectify this situation. I think of you incessantly, wondering what you will think of me. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately I can not. All I can really hope for is that from this day on, I exceed all expectations and be who you need me to be. I love you with every fiber of my being, and hopefully, you will grow to see that.
Always and forever yours,
There's no amount of apologizing, ass kissing or bullshitting that can rectify this situation. Every ill thing that's happened to him, he deserves. Every failure, hardship and setback is all by his own hand. When you do dirt, you get dirt.
• • •
I love food. It tastes good (usually). But there are a few treats I need to pay homage to, because they produce such a euphoric feeling when consumed.
What genious bastard came up with such a concept? I love him and perhaps we should marry. Ice cream is sex in a carton, no bullshit. It's easier to tolerate than a man. I go to the store and pick out whatever flavor I want and don't feel guilty if I want more than one flavor. I can mix the two and they don't get mad. When I'm done, back in the freezer it goes till I feel like I want some more. I love the availability.
As if this isn't the bomb on its own, it's in ice cream and milk too. Aaaaaaaaaah chocolate, how I loveth thee. Melted over fruit or as a frozen chunk, it's the God of all treats: "Theobroma Cacao" which means "food of the gods." It's gotta be a beast if it can calm my sex drive.
Mah gawd. *graceful courtsey* A hot sandwich that can be eaten with one hand. It's microwavable. It can go damn near anywhere. My kids wouldn't exist without it. There's so many flavors, there has to be something everybody likes. Instead of missles, we should launch Hot Pockets. The world would be a much happier place.
• • •
|Convo Day (a day early)
KiaSunRay: isn't lionel ritchie black?
MES1967: * STAB *
KiaSunRay: is that a no?
KiaSunRay: now does he have a jheri curl
KiaSunRay: or is that how his shit posed to look?
MES1967: I am NOT listening to you
MES1967: * covers ears and says wah wah wah wah *
KiaSunRay: prime bear!
KiaSunRay: i'm on the phone debating with my mom about his hair
MES1967: well, lets see
KiaSunRay: she says it's a texturizer
KiaSunRay: it look like a jheri to mee
MES1967: but maybe he turned white after his first wife tossed them grits in his face
KiaSunRay: that was al green!
MES1967: that's right
MES1967: Lionel's wife just beat his ass an inch from death
MES1967: violent ass sistahs
KiaSunRay: i'd beat his ass too
KiaSunRay: if i caught him with some broad
MES1967: a grey babe at that
KiaSunRay: ooooooh no
twnkee24: you got nekkid pics
KiaSunRay: of what?
twnkee24: of a fuckin raccoon!
KiaSunRay: racoons are covered in fur
KiaSunRay: i'd have to shave it
twnkee24: they still got cunts
twnkee24: and wangs right?
KiaSunRay: i guess
KiaSunRay: i've never looked
KiaSunRay: maybe i'll ask one
NOVA KAINE 3001: Mack rolled up in here with 2 big ass bags on m&ms
NOVA KAINE 3001: Hulk.... must..... have.....
KiaSunRay: not on m&ms!
KiaSunRay: that's why ya'll niggas caint keep no food
NOVA KAINE 3001: sheeeeit
KiaSunRay: you eat like a growin boy...and yo ass aint growin!
NOVA KAINE 3001: you know what, trick?
KiaSunRay: no bitch
KiaSunRay: i don't know what
KiaSunRay: never met his ass
• • •
|Chillin....for the Moment
Well today I found out that I have a few months before my last day. I'm cool with that. Somewhere between Oct. and Dec., I'll be leaving that job. I'm okay with that. Actually, I'm excited. It's time for something new.
CIA sent me some paperwork about the medical and polygraph tests. I have to fast before the tests, starting at 9:30 pm. They want me to the medical building at 6:45 am the next morning. I know they know niggas don't get up before noon. So far, things are looking good.
I got a call from the Refinance Guy today. Him sound cute. I told him how much money I needed and he's gettin to work. I hope he comes back with something I can work with. He told me it's possible I could go to closing at the end of the month, which works out well for me. I can pay off this debt before CIA checks my credit and everything will be well. I'm becoming more excited about my possiblities.
A guy moved out of our office earlier this week. My boss called me into his office, so I'm rolling my eyes thinking she got more work for me to do. She's actually giving me a computer, a G4 (i think) Mac. **correction, it's an iMac.** The guy left it behind along with some other equipment. She gave me a printer too. Crimmus for the kids is taken care of. They'll get a little software; they boy will get the requisite ball and the girl a doll. I aint buyin shit else though.
• • •
As I type this, I'm working on my second Chocolate Eclair of the morning. Since they just chillin in the freezer, I'm making it my business to eat the entire box before I vacate this muhfukka. Last date of employment stil undetermined.
Fukka diet. I'm in the mood to eat whatever I damn well choose and there's nothing Elmo can do or say about it. He can beg, holla, scream, dicatate, tootsie roll till his heart's content. It's all about me right now. You know what, I think I'll finish off that box of eclairs today, just because I can.
I'm too tired to go into detail bout this situation, just know I'm getting the royal shaft without lubrication. For real. Yessaday I went to HR Lady, as I always do when I have a complaint, and she's on it. Ya'll know they talkin no severence pay? Fuck the dumb shit. I'm going to be compensated for my troubles. Should I be greatful that I have longer than two weeks before I'm booted out? pfft.
I'm not too mad, nor do I plan to fight this with vem and vigor. This chapter of my life has closed and it's time to embark on a new one. Maybe I'm posed to be at the CIA during the next phase of my life. I must've learned all I need to at this point and I'm ready to evolve into something else. Everytime change manifests itself, it's always something drastic. I can manage this and I'm going to be okay. That's what I'm allowing myself to believe.
• • •
Edit--A bitch has JUSS been laid off. Last day of employment undetermined at this time.
Today ends my bereavement. Gotta head back to work tomorrow. Sux. I enjoy the convienence of taking a nap at will. Since Gramma died I've been really fatigued. Between this and Elmo, I aint a bit mo' good.
Speaking of Elmo, he's been on some different shit with these boot camp style workouts. The hell he think this is? I don't go there to exert myself. I want to feel invigorated, not like somebody drug me out to a backlot and beat me senseless. Fuck outta heah with that bullshit. Mang.
When I applied to the CIA, I did it out of complete sarcasm. I never thought I'd get a call back, let alone make it this far in the process. Today, after a nice nap, I checked my messages. There's one from the "Recruitment Center" as they like to call themselves. I'm being informed that they want me to give em a call so they can schedule my medical and polygraph tests. I am in shock. Just last week when they called to ask for more info, I was told that I'd receive a letter in a few weeks which will list the dates that are available for said tests. This is happening way faster than I expected. I really wish I were more excited about this. It's very possible that I will be placed at an office that is much farther from my house than my current job, and that's gonna suck. VA traffic is the WORST. Speaking of traffic, I'll have to actually drive to work because of the distance and public trans just won't do. Which means I'll have to buy a car. I'm so not looking forward to that. The last thing I need is another expense.
I also think that taking this job is gon' force me to finish school. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, I just hate school. I'm not even going right now and don't know when I'm going to return. I'm already aware that Imma need to up my game to compete with the #FF99FF folks. My head isn't comfortable beneth a class ceiling.
Tomorrow will be a week to the day I submitted my app for home refinance. I aint heard nothing yet. :( I'm gettin real nervous. So of course, bright and early, they gon' get a call from me. I'm really anxious about making some repairs to the house and possibly buying an investment property. It would so be the bomb if I could could turn a nice profit. Maybe I'd rent out my house and go move in with *cough* Prime Bear *cough* *cough* and live a leisurely life.
• • •
The funeral for Gramma was yesserday and it went well. Quick recap of inneresting events.
Chinky Cousin wore a "little black dress" with a plunging neckline and a rhinstoe decoration between her breasts. Completing the look were a pair of stilleto heels with coordinating rhinestone decoration. Cute for the club, not for your Gramma's funeral. Tacky bitch.
The preacher folk kept sayin Gramma's name wrong. Her name was Eloise (E- loyse) not Eloise (el-o-weez) like the white folk say. They fucked up her middle name too. Marie doesn't equal Maria. This is what happens when you let The Blacks do your funeral.
The cutch baffroom had a scale in it. I'm tombout a full sized scale you'd find at a doctor's office. I didn't even ask why.
The rich cousin in the family was supposed to pay for the funeral, but didn't. We didn't find that out till the day before the funeral. Aint that some shit?
Erebody loved the poem and was unaware I am able to put words together to form complete sentances. They were also surprised I used a computer to do it. Lak, duh. Is there really any other way? "We didn't know you could write!" *rolling eyes*
I was real ghetto and took a pic of the casket. (Thanks for the camera, Lise!) Gramma lookt good!
We shole is gon' miss gramma.
Now on to other things.
It's been a rough summer with Baby Daddy 1 quitting his job, therefore leaving me without monthly child support checks for his daughter. Baby Daddy 2 got too many babies and can't take care of his first born son, which I happen to be the mother of. Baby Daddy 2's peoples (his mom and sisser) have been (and usually are) really helpful. The Sisser will babysit and Gramma does what she can to pitch in to buy some things my son might need. I'm grateful for her help and support since I don't have much support coming from other sources. These men should be ashamed to call themselves men, leaving other people to clean up the aftermath of their selfishness.
• • •