I'm so pissed my stomach is churning.

Baby Daddy 2 called earlier (iown know why he called me in the afternoon;that nigga know i work) and left me his new number and asked for my email address. I call back and give it to him. Says he wrote something for The Boy and wants me to read it to him.

He's basically written my boy a letter apologizing for being the shitsack that he is. A big fat fucking zero who runs from responsiblity and uses his "developing manhood" as a crutch. Nigga get the fuck outta here with that incessant bullshit mang. Check the excerpt. (Background info: That nigga left for Cali when I was 5 months pregnant and didn't bother to come meet The Boy until he was about 2 years old.)

Naiveté took my soul over for a moment, as I thought that since you did not look like me, you certainly could not be a product of me. That was typical stupidity on my part. I have made a great many mistakes in my day, but I have yet to think of one mistake bigger than that.

As the years began to drag on, of course you began to take on an image very similar to my own. For a long time, I am not certain that it ever made a difference in me. I had a totally different life and a whole different set of responsibilities to maintain. Before I knew it, I began to see the ill of my ways. As you will see later in life, blossoming into the man people need you to be is a tedious process.

I've officially reached the end of my patience with aforementioned fuckery. Why do niggas feel they have the uninalienable right to fuck off and not be responsible? I gagged while reading this. Not one piece of sympathy do I have. If he dropped dead right now, I certainly wouldn't give a fuck. How bout mannin' the fuck up and handling your business like a soldier? I'm tired of having to be a man for these niggas that don't have the balls to hold shit down. I gotta trudge out here and work sun up to sun down while he's off "finding himself" and developing a career he wants. Am I bitter? Don't I sound fuckin bitter? You can bet your last food stamp I am.

He didn't have to ask me to read this shit to The Boy; he certainly coulda read this over the phone himself. This was also done for my benefit. I could care less what he's been through. Let's focus on the hurt and confusion he's put the boy through. Not understanding why "Daddy" is so far away, or, not understanding why "Daddy" pays so much attention to his other kids. My temples are pounding as I type this.

So far, I have failed you above and beyond my wildest imagination. All I ask is that God and you forgive me, and allow me the privilege to rectify this situation. I think of you incessantly, wondering what you will think of me. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately I can not. All I can really hope for is that from this day on, I exceed all expectations and be who you need me to be. I love you with every fiber of my being, and hopefully, you will grow to see that.

Always and forever yours,

Daddy

There's no amount of apologizing, ass kissing or bullshitting that can rectify this situation. Every ill thing that's happened to him, he deserves. Every failure, hardship and setback is all by his own hand. When you do dirt, you get dirt.

One.

18.August.2004    10:20 PM     Commments: 12

12 comment(s) » add yours


Every ill thing that's happened to him, he deserves. anything i could say was wrapped up in that statement. seems that someone who's done wrong inevitable seeks forgiveness in some form - a letter? mere words, in ink, on once blank paper still stand for that blank paper. to me - it seemed like an apology - but there's no steps taken toward any self-forgiveness or uprising. i don't know the whole situation, but i do know the letter is whack. i'm positive your son can read - and that in no part sounds like a letter to a child. pfft. i can't speak on this no more, i aint got parents.

posted by Fuckelbe Jones (BL) | 08.18.04 10:48 PM


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Don't let him steal the joy and peace of mind that is rightfully yours... Ya feel me..

posted by Pam - Reddy | 08.19.04 01:25 AM


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Let me start by sayting that THE BOY understands the situation 100% he knows that you are toiling day in and day out to make it all come togeather don't think that he dosen't know the score. BUt on the other hand what is between you and sperm doner is something between you and him and should never cloud the fact the there is some one else out there that has feelings fro the boy and even though they may be fucked up or have always been fucked up it is important that you do not taint the boy's view of that other person that helped create him. I say this because every boy that doesnot have that fatehr figure yearns fro him untill he really gets to know him, and if he has no over hate from you he will see daddy for who he is....... he will see the lact of love and respect. Just keep on doing what your doing and don't worry about sperm doner. oh and of course tell his azz that you aint going to read no shit to the boy he has to do that in person like a man.
nuf said.

posted by william | 08.19.04 04:52 AM


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Do we need to ride out and bust this nigga kneecaps open? Gimme a call and my non-drivin' ass will be there tout de suite.

Damn...got my blood boiling now...

posted by karsh | 08.19.04 11:20 AM


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I felt HEATED emotions similiar to yours the other night while out shopping with my sister and niece. While in Target, my niece saw a notebook and asked my sister to buy it. My sister glanced at the price tag and agreed. Once at the register, my sister realized that the notebook was $8.99 instead of $3.99 that she originally thought the price tag stated. She asked the cashier to remove the item from her bill. My niece was shattered by my sister's decision to not purchase the item. Instead, she had to buy ONLY the school uniforms she intended to buy when we entered the store. I commented about my niece's poor excuse for a dad. To see that my sister couldn't afford the $5 difference made me SO mad with my niece's dad. Lazy bastard.

Sorry about the long comment, but I totally LOATHE men who don't care for their kids. Nothing gets under my skin like that shyt.

posted by MsThing | 08.19.04 12:09 PM


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A letter don't mean a damn thing. I guess in a sense it shows remorse, but if there's no relative action behind it, you and your son may as well take the paper it was written on and use it for shitpaper, since that's about what it's worth.

Everybody's reading this and getting angry. Can't do it. I don't waste my anger on people such as your baby daddy. By giving him the time of day in your blog, you are wasting (negative) energy on someone that clearly doesn't deserve your regard period. All I can feel for him is pity, because his life is the one that's shitty. He's the one that's missing out. His loss.

I feel the same way about the twins' "dad". That nigga ain't been around from jump street. But when I look at my children and see the boys they are now and envision the men they will become, I no longer connect them to him, since he never even began to act in that capacity. His loss

I had to deal with the anger and the sense of injustice and move on. It was holding me back. Changing my outlook on life. Attracting the wrong types of people. Bitterness ain't never did shit for me but roil my insides, slowly rip off pieces of my soul, and occupy brainspace I could be using to figure how the fuck I'm gone make a real life for myself and my kids, raise my boys into men that won't turn out like the other factor in the conception equation.

Letting go is easier said than done. I'm not speaking from a high horse, b/c I've briefly been where you are. Of course, since I'm older I've hd more time to deal. But you have to do it for your sake and your children.

The opposite of love is apathy. Release that situation and let ole boy ruin his life as he may.

posted by Coochleby Brown (BL) | 08.19.04 01:39 PM


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Maybe I'm a dumbass, but I would give the letter to the boy. Let him not only read it himself, but when and IF he wants to. Like someone said earlier, your child deserves to make his own desicion (when he can) and decide whether or not he actually wants to know his father. Or...let the man call him up and read it to him. My fiance's father left...then he was pulled away and taken to jail on murder charges. His family told him for years and years not to ever associate with him, yet about 2 years ago (25 years later) he got a letter from his dad. That letter was YEARS late, but he read it and made up his mind to finally learn about his father. And now my fiance is actually, believe it or not, a better man. In the short time he's known his father (and even though he left him AND commited a massive crime) they've become close and he's happy.


Give the boy a chance to decide. you never know how things could turn out.

posted by Cummille Dickticia Le'Tease (BL) | 08.19.04 02:39 PM


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there are plenty of deadbeat dads but do what you feel is best. and ole baby daddy is reaping what he sole-d...you do wrong wrong will follow you.

take care sweetie!

posted by Lashundra | 08.20.04 03:47 PM


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My son is too young to read this letter on his own, being that he's five. This letter has very adult content that I doubt he'll even understand.

I will let my son have the final decision as to wether or not he wants to have anything to do with his father, when he's old enough to make such a choice. His father made the conscious decision to make himself unaccessable to his child. I've tried to work with him before, but he chose to show his ass. He has to deal with this on his own.

posted by ~SunRay~ | 08.20.04 06:59 PM


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you already know there ain't no need to waste your energy on NONE of that because when you son is old enough to understand, who will understand that as a parent, you have done the damn thing, and done any and everything in your power to provide - and he will remember his father and the lack of his presence.

posted by girlwonder | 08.20.04 07:40 PM


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Sounds like you need to find a good white man.

posted by Chuck | 08.21.04 02:09 PM


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karma! you already know!

posted by muffin | 08.21.04 11:43 PM


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