I'm so pissed my stomach is churning.
Baby Daddy 2 called earlier (iown know why he called me in the afternoon;that nigga know i work) and left me his new number and asked for my email address. I call back and give it to him. Says he wrote something for The Boy and wants me to read it to him.
He's basically written my boy a letter apologizing for being the shitsack that he is. A big fat fucking zero who runs from responsiblity and uses his "developing manhood" as a crutch. Nigga get the fuck outta here with that incessant bullshit mang. Check the excerpt. (Background info: That nigga left for Cali when I was 5 months pregnant and didn't bother to come meet The Boy until he was about 2 years old.)
Naiveté took my soul over for a moment, as I thought that since you did not look like me, you certainly could not be a product of me. That was typical stupidity on my part. I have made a great many mistakes in my day, but I have yet to think of one mistake bigger than that.
As the years began to drag on, of course you began to take on an image very similar to my own. For a long time, I am not certain that it ever made a difference in me. I had a totally different life and a whole different set of responsibilities to maintain. Before I knew it, I began to see the ill of my ways. As you will see later in life, blossoming into the man people need you to be is a tedious process.
I've officially reached the end of my patience with aforementioned fuckery. Why do niggas feel they have the uninalienable right to fuck off and not be responsible? I gagged while reading this. Not one piece of sympathy do I have. If he dropped dead right now, I certainly wouldn't give a fuck. How bout mannin' the fuck up and handling your business like a soldier? I'm tired of having to be a man for these niggas that don't have the balls to hold shit down. I gotta trudge out here and work sun up to sun down while he's off "finding himself" and developing a career he wants. Am I bitter? Don't I sound fuckin bitter? You can bet your last food stamp I am.
He didn't have to ask me to read this shit to The Boy; he certainly coulda read this over the phone himself. This was also done for my benefit. I could care less what he's been through. Let's focus on the hurt and confusion he's put the boy through. Not understanding why "Daddy" is so far away, or, not understanding why "Daddy" pays so much attention to his other kids. My temples are pounding as I type this.
So far, I have failed you above and beyond my wildest imagination. All I ask is that God and you forgive me, and allow me the privilege to rectify this situation. I think of you incessantly, wondering what you will think of me. I wish I could turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately I can not. All I can really hope for is that from this day on, I exceed all expectations and be who you need me to be. I love you with every fiber of my being, and hopefully, you will grow to see that.
Always and forever yours,
There's no amount of apologizing, ass kissing or bullshitting that can rectify this situation. Every ill thing that's happened to him, he deserves. Every failure, hardship and setback is all by his own hand. When you do dirt, you get dirt.
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