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Take The Money! 09.28.04
09:49 AM • 8 comment(s)permalink

I woke up on Sunday morning with an objective: to pay all those damn bills that have accumulated on my desk/dvd player/dining room table. I sent my daughter to collect all the bills. Oh, can't forget the ones in the bathroom. How would she know which mail would be bills? Cause they all unopened. Hell I need to open em fo'?

I check my bank balance which, thankfully, was looking heathly for the moment. I divided the bills into three stacks: Past Due, Pay Half, and Pay Later. Those Past Due ones get right pesky with people calling the house and whatnot. On Sunday no less. Even He rests on the seventh day, why can't these collectors honor that? The Pay Half are on the verge of being Past Due, but the creditor don't care too much long as they get something. Aren't they just gracious? Pay Later is just that: paying later. Like, buying food is more important than paying these people. I'm sure they'll understand.

Now what I'm not understanding is why these folks aint takin the money I done sent them? All of this was paid online so there's no waiting for the mail. There's no thinking I done sent a fake check. What gives? I've been harrassed for who knows how long to send a payment; I send it, they don't take it. There's something wrong with this process.

After this tedious process was laid to rest, I trollop over to the grocery sto' to fill my house with unnecessary, tasty treats necesssities so I don't have to prostitue myself for bologna.

Moving on.

Ya'll won't believe what I did yesterday. The Ex decides he wants to give me a call at work.

Me: Good Afternoon [instert business name here], How may I help you?
Him: May I speak to ~SunRay~?
Me: She's not here right now. Would you like to leave a message?
Him: Can you tell her The Ex called?
Me: Sure

*hangs up phone and laughs maniacally*

How many times do I have to ignore his messages for him to get the notion that it's quite possible I have no interest in him. I don't go out of my way to speak to him and I damn sure don't want him in my house. Niggas I tell ya. They never learn.

•   •   •
Who Broke the Toilet? 09.24.04
02:09 PM • 2 comment(s)permalink

MES1967: why they plumber call to say he ain't comin
KiaSunRay: what i tell you!
KiaSunRay: they aint shit
KiaSunRay: write a letter and say it was racism
KiaSunRay: like i did sears
MES1967: He shit pipe camera is broken so he can't do nuffin till its fixed
KiaSunRay: he a professional and aint got a spare?
KiaSunRay: don't he have some plumber friends?
MES1967: LOL
KiaSunRay: i know he do
KiaSunRay: them niggas run in cliques
KiaSunRay: lemme call his ass
KiaSunRay: i'll fire up a contractor in a minute
MES1967: LOL
KiaSunRay: sheeeeeit don't get me started
KiaSunRay: "you mean to tell me you're a professional and don't have a backup?"
KiaSunRay: i know you know how to be irate
MES1967: This is the dude who was runnin across the lawn nakid.. cuz he let the sewer pump turn on while he had the pipe disconnected and got sprayed with shitty water
KiaSunRay: *K I L T*
KiaSunRay: ROFL
KiaSunRay: this nigga plain dumb
MES1967: white boy
MES1967: country boy named Justin
KiaSunRay: inbred bastid
MES1967: he knows our shit reall well.. LOL
KiaSunRay: lmbao
KiaSunRay: you nasty
KiaSunRay: lol
MES1967: hell, he's been out there four times.. each time it was related to the sewer
MES1967: the only other time they came out was to fix a sprinkler pipe, but they sent someone else
KiaSunRay: four times
KiaSunRay: ya'll shitty
KiaSunRay: ya'll shit so heavy it can't be carried to the sewer
MES1967: its only afta LADIES visit
MES1967: ionknow what yall be putting in da drains
KiaSunRay: sure blame the women
MES1967: flushing them "feminine" products
KiaSunRay: then your sewer line is sexist
MES1967: hello? Its GAY
KiaSunRay: ROFL
KiaSunRay: then it should be used to having shit in its pipe
MES1967: * RIP *
KiaSunRay: lol
KiaSunRay: ROFL
KiaSunRay: LOL
KiaSunRay: i just axed ej who dropped a log big enough to break the sewer line
KiaSunRay: ejflavors: ROTFLMBAO
MES1967: you ain't shit
KiaSunRay: so!
MES1967: you going to hell

KiaSunRay: more than likely
MES1967: Cool, see you there
KiaSunRay: ROFL
MES1967: we gonna have a penthouse
KiaSunRay: hell yeah
KiaSunRay: for our ghetto parties
MES1967: BBQ everyday.. since the fire will be free
MES1967: wouldn't that be some shit.. they charge for FIRE in hell
MES1967: "Damn, who didn't pay the FIRE bill? "
KiaSunRay: ROFL
KiaSunRay: our fire get cut off!
KiaSunRay: that's real black
MES1967: OK!!
KiaSunRay: aint that some shit
MES1967: Bootleggin Fire
KiaSunRay: borrowin from the neighbors and whatnot
KiaSunRay: they all irish n shit
MES1967: the rich folks would have back up Fire
KiaSunRay: that's smart
MES1967: be a LONG ass line at the Fire Company on the 1st of the month
KiaSunRay: no bullshit
KiaSunRay: callin for discount fire assistance
MES1967: * DEAD *
KiaSunRay: you know how black folk like to get hooked up
MES1967: "Lil Tawana got the ICE.. She can't be without FIRE"
KiaSunRay: LOL
KiaSunRay: having "get my fire cut on" parties
KiaSunRay: chargin 10 at the door
MES1967: ROTFLMBAO
KiaSunRay: we aint shit
MES1967: that's why we going to hell
KiaSunRay: our spot in hell has been offically reserved
KiaSunRay: do we get buffalo wings too
MES1967: EXTRA HOT! WANGS!
KiaSunRay: ROFL
KiaSunRay: that's what i'm tombout

•   •   •
New Addition 09.15.04
04:47 PM • 8 comment(s)permalink

Groovy, my co-worker, is expecting her first baby. How exciting. Because she doesn't know what to expect, she's listening to ever expert and reading the requisite baby material, which is great.

She's getting on my last nerve.

When you're pregnant, it's important to be aware of your environment and what types of foods and chemicals you allow in your body. Developing babies are sensitive. Her caution has turned into neurosis, leaving me to want to slap the living fuck out of her ever other hour. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up with all this scientific reasearch and shit. I'm convinced she hovers over her PC in anticipation of the latest newsletter telling her of some shit she shouldn't eat, breathe, or touch. I wanna put her in a bubble and feed her through a tube. I find it interesting she thinks I had choices about what I ate. It was either eat what's here, during the times there was something available, or eat nothing at all. Unfortunately, the latter was the norm.

Next comes the questions of "When you were pregnant, did you..." Hayle nawl I didn't. When I was pregnant at 15 and 18, pregnancies wern't celebrated by anyone and our pregnancies (hers and mine) were under very different circumstances.

Me: Young and unsure of myself, not knowing what to do with my life. No direction. Young and black. Burden to society. Not educated (enough). Just trying to survive. No, I didn't reasearch car seats for safety ratings, being that I didn't have a car, and to this day, I still don't have a car. Safety ratings don't mean shit. No I didn't buy bouncer seats or swings, playpens or baby gyms. I was my baby's playpen and gym.

Her: Early 30's, master's degree, interested in politics and world events. Married. Liberal. Goofy, but not in a bad way. Trained school teacher, program manager by choice. Agonizes over every minute detail bout this child.

Now, because she's so concerned bout these insignificant things (IMO), I decided to ask her what she did have for her baby. Don't quite recall what she said, but I do know what she didin't say: pampers, socks, undershirts, bunting, sleepwear, bottles...all the essential shit. What's wrong with this picture?

I'm happy for her and do believe she'll make a good mother. She's idealistic, but doesn't realize it. Her pregnancy isn't my pregnancy. We live on two opposite ends of the social scale where my pregnancies of women of my caliber are suppressed and viewed as failure, while hers are celebrated and encouraged. She asks, "Kia, do you plan on having more kids?" Bitch is you dumb? The last thing I need is another person to suck up the rest of my income.

I remember when a friend and I went to the same doctor for the same reason, damn near within the same week. This doctor recommended, damn near demanded I go on birth control, while my friend was given literature and was told to think it over. Think.it.over. I see it as population control for blacks. What else could it be? She and I had the same identical problem. Why is birth control pushed on me, but is only an option for her?

•   •   •
Weekend Stuff 09.13.04
04:51 PM • 0 comment(s)permalink

Saturday
It's still the 1st of the munf in my hood and still not quite safe to go out. See here, I know that it aint the 1st numerically, but in the hood, the 1st aint over till like the 15th. Lemme splain.

In DC, the checks come out the 1st-5th. The following week, food stamps come out. Now what day you revceive your check and stamps depends on what your last name is and you're fucked if your last name is some shit like Zlobotnik.

I'm in the grocery store, tired as hell from working earlier and taking my son to get a hair cut. My eyes are blury. A little lite skindeded boy in a yellow shirt runs by. Tired and frustrated, I say, "Didn't I tell you to stay put?!?!" When my eyes come back into focus, I notice this boy is a little tall to be my son. A take a good look at him and realize this boy look too dirty to be my son. It hits me: this boy aint my son. I done yelled at somebody else's kid in the middle of the grocery store. Well I'll be damned. So! He shouldn'ta been runnin anyway.

I've spent 3 damn days taking my braids out. That shit was excruciating. It's likely I woulda got finished a lot faster if I didn't keep stopping to take a nap. This head of hair is manual labor for real. Leeser is giving me tips on how to care for it since most of my hair is natural. That whole combing thing isn't working out too swell. I'm very happy with the 4 inches (or so) of new growth I have. It's very pretty and healthy looking, unlike my processed ends. Can't wait to cut that off.

For the last couple of months, I've been comtemplating locing my hair. :/ I know it's gonna be a difficult process being that new locs really arent that cute. I've been wearing my hair braided for the last 4 years and I can't function with out them. In my mind, the next natural step would be locs. I'm concerned about my hair being a hindrance to me getting the job(s) that I want. This is a very serious concern since we all know Chez Whitey don't take too kindly to anything that's too ethnic. I'm also convinced this is one of the reasons I'm not being hired.

Today while I was at home fighting with these braids, I came across the Montel Williams Show. I usually don't watch him cause I don't particularly like him, but the show was interesting today. The topic was "Children Left Home Alone". There were about three women who came to tell their story of why they leave their children home and why they have no other choice. To be fair, Montel had other people on the show to refute this and explain their view as to why it's never okay to leave kids at home unsupervised.

It's a big risk. A huge risk with the ultimate consequence of the children being discovered alone and having the Sheriff come take em down to Social Services to have them placed on foster care. I'm annoyed with the attitude of two of the (white) men that were in the audience. While they maintained that they would never leave kids alone under any circumstance, they didn't have any viable solutions for these women. They didn't know what to do. What's the point of opening your mouth if you have nothing productive to say? If a having a relative or friend watch the kids while the mothers were at work, wouldn't they do that? If there were savings to use to pay for child care, wouldn't these mother utilze that option as well? Thinking before you speak should be the rule, not the option.

•   •   •
The Ex 09.05.04
10:00 PM • 4 comment(s)permalink

*This is a long one. Might want to pack a lunch and possibly dinner*

Last week, on my way to where ever the hell I was going, I stumbled across my ex. Since he saw me in the streets, he found it necessary to give me a call at work, no less. He left a message for me to "call him at my earliest convienence." I wonder if never is soon enough for him. I'm completely dumbfounded at his ability to act as if fuckshit didn't transpire. Let's have a lil backstory, shall we?

I remember the first time we met in the grocery store. I was on my way to work and in a hurry. I gave him my number to get him out my face and went on my way. I certainly didn't care if he called or not. He did call a couple of times, but gave up due to my lack of interest.

Our paths cross again at the laundrymat and we exchanged numbers again. I had nothing else going on so I figured why not. We talked that night and surprisingly, the convo was actually good. We have a few more phone sessions over the next couple of months until I decided it was okay for him to come over for a visit.

We'd hang out and have fun, nothing serious. Watch tv, play video games...average shit. I began to enjoy his company. I could tell our friendship was growing when we graduated to kissing and dry humping. I started to re-evaluate him and some things about him bothered me.

He'd always become annoyed when I wouldn't hang out with him to study. I don't like school but I gotta finish and he just couldn't feel where I was coming from. I want to see the world; that concept is hard to grasp for someone who's never left their block and has been there for 25 years.

His career goals were next to none and self confidence low. With him normally being negative and depressed, he was undesirable to associate with. At that point in my life, things were going well and I sure didn't need anyone bringing me down with their bullshit that was could be rectified with a little effort.

Despite these things that I didn't like about him, there was a lot of good in him too. Smart, fun, protective, sensitive...all the good stuff I wanted in a man. I accepted the fact that we were getting closer and would eventually end up in a relationship. Until that.night.

February 6, 2002. I'll never forget this date because Nickelback was gon' have a live concert on MTV and damn if I wanted to miss it. When he called I wasn't even gonna answer the phone. That wasn't gon' work cause he knew my schedule and I'd have a lot of questions to answer if I didn't pick up that phone. It had been three weeks since we'd last seen each other and he'd been complaining that I never spend time with him anymore. I relented.

When he walked through the door, I felt...different. I stepped back a bit to let him in and he shut the door behind him. We embraced and I sort of fell into him. We both held on tight for a little while, and right then, I knew we were starting our relationship and mentally prepared myself to submit. Scary ineed.

After we took some time to catch up, silence draped itself upon us. We looked at each other and moved closer. I knew what was about to happen and didn't stop it. This is one of the few times in my life I felt sexually shy. He was too. I only had half a second to figure out what I was gonna to do to em, so I did it all. Ball juggling, balancing act...he got the full treatment that night. It was good. I had to turn the heat off in my tiny apartment cause we produced enough of our own. I'm happy, glowing even but felt uneasy. He was too quiet. Not a word. I could barely hear him breathe. Still silent we clean each other up and he's ready to go. Of course I didn't like it but chalked it up to him being weirded out by my ejaculation, something he'd never experienced live before. So! I was excited. Shit.

A couple days go by and I hadn't heard from him. I call to see if he's okay and no answer. Left a message, no return call. This went on for two weeks until I gave up. I was so mad at myself. What did I do wong? How could love escape me?

Fast forward to May 2002. I get this random call out the blue. It's him, acting like nothing happened and attempting to pick up where we left off. Talking about his new job and what he hopes to accomplish. I.think.not. There was very little, okay there was nothing he could say to me at that point. His explaination, which was weak to me, is that he wanted to get his life together. Understandable, but that isn't the way to go about it. I didn't stop him from doing anything he needed or wanted to do. Maybe it's easier to lay blame with someone else than with its rightful owner.

I attempted to maintain a friendship with him, but couldn't. I was too hurt and disgusted. I looked at him as a completely different person, and consequently, lost respect for him.

Recapturing once was can't happen. He'd call my house and play Half Crazy on my answering service. I wouldn't budge. Apathy has replaced sentiment. He shouldn't hold his breath for a phone call.

•   •   •