I've been slacking too much with my weight loss so I've decided (with Elmo's incessant nagging) that I need to get back on track. Last time I was in the gym, I grabbed a class schedule to see what was being offered. I like lifting weights and unfortunately, not a lot of that is offered at times I can take it. I decided on two to try out: kickboxing and pilates.

Kickboxing: Jab, cross...uppercut...I can do this shit, right? Right?!? Riiiiiiiiiiight. Ten minutes into the class I'm thinking...."Okay, I can do this. This aiite." Another seven minutes pass and I'm starting to get a lil winded, but I got my game face on. I can do this. Never in life have I experienced anything like this. After the next couple of kick-punch-balance on one foot and don't forget to breathe sequences, I'm ready to collapse. I drag over to my corner to rewater myself. By that time, there were about 20 minutes left in the class. I prayed to God, Jeefus, Buddha, Jah, Allah, Jehovah...anybody who could answer my prayer to make it without passing out. By class' end I was a quivering mountain of flesh. Discovery: House music is a product of the debbil.

Pilates: just as hard but not as fast. This wasn't my first experience with pilates; I've done it at home (once) so I wasn't expecting it to be that bad. Ummm....yeah. That shit is hard. I'm not for all that lifting my torso off the floor with no hands. Howfuck is that posed to happen without hands? White people play too much. My "powerhouse" (abs n shit) need a damn jump start. Discovery: This shit is for skinny white bitches.

I'm concerned about women who just can't be without a man and feel that their lives are incomplete with out one. My sisser just happens to be one of these women. Thing 2 constantly laments bout how she want a new man. I, for one, wasn't aware she had one at all. I digress. I wonder why she can't be comfortable with herself. Why wouldn't you want to be one with....you? I also go through fleeting moments where I want a long term in my life....then I get over that lapse in mental stability. I used to think that's what I wanted because that's what I was conditioned to believe. Settle down? Why should I? Besides the fact I like doing what I want when I feel like it, there are things about myself I don't think a significant would be willing to accept. I'll be in the cut for a while longer.

I'm having more growing pains. At what age does this subside? I'd really like to know. As my layoff draws near...I'm just not pressed to go to work. I earned that unemployment; aren't I entitled to it? I'm tired of working. I wanna bum around for a while and really not do much. This certainly won't pay the bills but all that stuff will work itself out. Eventually. What I do want to do is travel. 4 cities in 7 days. Atl, Nawlins, Vegas and NY. Can I do it? The ticket is a decent price. Thank that Jeefus dude for financial aid. When I get that refund, yeah, that's where it's going. Details still need to be worked out. When I called Ma to ask her to live in my house for a week, she told me I was selfish cause I don't want to take the kids. I'm okay with that. I gave my entire existance for them; I think they can do without me for a week. Adult life sucks.

While my immediate future looks a bit bleek, I still feel very optomistic about the next chapter of my life.

18.November.2004    11:55 AM    


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