My kids are growing and changing at a rate that surpasses my ability to adapt. Ages 5 and 8 are new territory for me. I know about babies; they're pretty easy. I can deal with toddlers too. My children have graduated from these stages and I'm at a loss. The boy never stops talking and the girl is has developed into a demanding diva. Mother didn't say shit bout there being days like this. If she did, I can't gaurantee I listened.
They are a bizzare pair. I'd be lying my ass off if I said I understood what's going on inside there minds. There's one thing I do know that is affecting them greatly and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives: absent fathers.
I feel so helpless when they ask about their dads, the boy more so than the girl. They have questions and I have very few answers. What can I say about men who've decided their blood isn't worth acknowleding? How can I explain to my son, the preference his father has for the children he has with his wife? I'm also lacking a sufficent explanation for the 2 year hiatus of my daughter's father. Is he even still alive? Possibly. Niggas like that don't die; they're allowed to live while respectible men are allowed to diminish.
Their pain is obvious in their defiant behavior which I'm losing patience trying to contain. I would spank them or punish them. That's not effective. I have to understand the cause of the behavior to change it. I decided to do what I usually do when I can't think of shit else to do: I bought some books. Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women. Catchy title. For they boy I bought: Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys . The chapters within the covers may contain the answers to my quandary but I'm hoping they can be a guide.
My son calls me daddy. I don't know how to respond.
I just started reading Daddy's Little Girl. This is heavy reading. Just by reading the forward, it's evoking emotions within me about my own father and relationships with men. Emotions I wasn't aware I still harbored and behavorial patterns I'm not ready to face.
I thought by reading this book, I'd be able to gain insight as to how to help my daughter will her disconnected feelings about her estranged father. I had no idea I'd begin another phase on my course of self acceptance.
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