My kids are growing and changing at a rate that surpasses my ability to adapt. Ages 5 and 8 are new territory for me. I know about babies; they're pretty easy. I can deal with toddlers too. My children have graduated from these stages and I'm at a loss. The boy never stops talking and the girl is has developed into a demanding diva. Mother didn't say shit bout there being days like this. If she did, I can't gaurantee I listened.

They are a bizzare pair. I'd be lying my ass off if I said I understood what's going on inside there minds. There's one thing I do know that is affecting them greatly and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives: absent fathers.

I feel so helpless when they ask about their dads, the boy more so than the girl. They have questions and I have very few answers. What can I say about men who've decided their blood isn't worth acknowleding? How can I explain to my son, the preference his father has for the children he has with his wife? I'm also lacking a sufficent explanation for the 2 year hiatus of my daughter's father. Is he even still alive? Possibly. Niggas like that don't die; they're allowed to live while respectible men are allowed to diminish.

Their pain is obvious in their defiant behavior which I'm losing patience trying to contain. I would spank them or punish them. That's not effective. I have to understand the cause of the behavior to change it. I decided to do what I usually do when I can't think of shit else to do: I bought some books. Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women. Catchy title. For they boy I bought: Countering the Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys . The chapters within the covers may contain the answers to my quandary but I'm hoping they can be a guide.

My son calls me daddy. I don't know how to respond.

I just started reading Daddy's Little Girl. This is heavy reading. Just by reading the forward, it's evoking emotions within me about my own father and relationships with men. Emotions I wasn't aware I still harbored and behavorial patterns I'm not ready to face.

I thought by reading this book, I'd be able to gain insight as to how to help my daughter will her disconnected feelings about her estranged father. I had no idea I'd begin another phase on my course of self acceptance.

10.November.2004    11:13 PM     Commments: 1

1 comment(s) » add yours

my mom read that juwanza kunjufu book when my brother was growing up. i think you will find it at least a tad useful. your son will grow out of the calling you daddy (i hope).

it's a hurting thing as a child to grow up without a father or wondering why daddy doesn't come around or seem to care. even as an adult who has reconciled my fatherlessness it really hurts to hear your kids going through these all too familiar phases. the one thing i appreciated my mom for was never having to talk bad about my daddy...i figured it out for myself. i believe your children will too.

like shun said, just keep being the best parent you know how to be.

good luck, girl...seriously.

posted by raven | 11.23.04 11:13 PM


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