Lawd Jeefus do I need to be fucked. Not sure where this spike in libido came from and this shit bout to irk my nerves. Aint like I got available dick (ahem, I'm refering to dick attached to a living, breathing male) lying around that can just help me out.

To ease my, erm, tension, I ate a quarter pint of Chocolate Haagen Dazs. That usually does the trick. That shit aint work. Today I've been determined to be touched by a male human and I got Elmo to do it. He's so accomodating.

While I was sweating and wheezing on the elliptical, I spy Elmo stretching one of his clients. Hmmmmmmmm...never ever in the full year that I've been his client (our anniversary was last week, btw) he's never stretched me after our sessions. This isn't the first time I've peeped this neither. How come the old ladies get stretched and I don't? When our session is coming to a close, I spy another trainer stretching his client. Whyfuck don't I get the full deal? Of course I rant and bitch and let him know that I don't get stretched like everybody else. His response: "you stretch yourself." Well gotdamn! I guess I don't have any other options, do I?

When I finished the last set of tricep extensions, he tells me to sit down on the bench. Alrighty. Then he walks behind me. This is the part where I get concerned cause don't no nigga just go walkin up behind me like that. You're likely to get your balls ripped from your body.

To stretch my legs, I'm led over to the stretching corner. My sweet Jeefus that corner smelt like sun baked ass. That's juss wasn't right. I mean damn. How can I get my jollies lying in a corner that smells like a sewer?

He applies some pressure; I demand more by simply stating "more." Sorry. I felt to good to concern myself with coherent sentances. So! He got the damn pernt! He liked hearing it. Control issues anyone?

Him: You're agressive. That how it go down?
Me: Occasionally.
Him: I believe you.

He giggles when I tell him I wont break. Shit, nigga BEND ME.

I've got jerk off material for the next two weeks.

02.December.2004    10:17 PM     Commments: 6

6 comment(s) » add yours

you know you ain't shit! nan one bit

You tryin to P**** whip that poor man. Betta be careful - he gonna dickmatize ya! I should know, I am the king of dickmatization!

posted by Prime | 12.02.04 10:22 PM


*dead* @ dickmatization.....y'all 'bout to kill me with that...

posted by ej | 12.03.04 04:56 AM


Just two weeks? Do better next time, heffa!

posted by Lisa | 12.03.04 12:56 PM


you shole is one nasty heffa!!!

posted by Lise | 12.07.04 02:57 PM


Admires you for being in the gym.. cuz my lazy ass can't work up the motivation to even set food in the place..


posted by Pam - Reddy | 12.10.04 01:36 PM


I, for one, hate personal trainers. There is somehting very sinful about them. They can be mean, overbearing and ______ (fill in some other negative adjective here). They're like a hard to please parent. Nothing is ever good enough for them.

posted by Boogs | 12.11.04 11:46 AM


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