I wish I had it this year, but alas, it has escaped me. This used to be my favorite time of year: decorating, baking, togetherness....I'm just not there this year. I don't want to take away from the kids fun and enjoyment so I'm trynna suck it up and take one for the team. Aint that what good mommies are supposed to do?

I'm having serious conflicting feelings about Baby Daddy 3. I've been a bitch to the nth degree. Honestly, I feel entitled to be able to treat him like shit if I feel like it. I'm adult enough to know that kind of behavior is inappropriate, however, I'm also woman enough to admit I enjoyed doing it. I want him to suffer and hurt as much as I did. He'll never experience what I experienced. My mind tells me I should feel bad, even ashamed of the way I've treated him, but I don't. I feel absolutely nothing. Is apathy worse than love or hate? I intentionally led him on and told him all kinds of lies. I even amused myself with the creativity I put in to it. You can't manipulate and emotionally destroy someone and not expect retribution, vengeance and treachery in return. *GASP* I just happen to all three of those in my arsenal. That same shit you shit, eventually, you'll sniff.

This situation with dude has clouded my easy going demeanor. I don't like to act that way and I've just come to terms with this distructive behavior. I can't recall when the feeling of disgust for him settled in the pit of my stomach, but it's been excreted and I can move forward.

18.December.2004    12:18 AM     Commments: 2

2 comment(s) » add yours


dang girl you are badder than me lying to that man, but he got what he deserved. also i'm sure karma has hit him or it will before he lives this earth.

even if you don't cook a christmas dinner and invite me over, make sure the kids have a good one. christmas' are not what they used to be maybe it's because we are getting old.

posted by lashundra | 12.20.04 04:59 PM


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I dug wayyy down deep and found some christmas-decoration-motivation.. I hung up a few lights inside the house, and put a really cute "santa stop here" sign outside my house. It was a snowman atop a pole, telling santa to come by the crib.. It was only outside one damn night, before i got up the next morning to find only the pole there, and the snowman who sat atop it was gone.. sighs i was vandalized.. hum-fucking-bug...

Props to ya for sucking it up, and being holly-jolly for the kiddies..

posted by Pam - Reddy | 12.22.04 12:22 PM


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