I'm sittin here chillin, not doin shit. I finally got of my lazy butt and cleaned up this computer room. I need to do the rest of the house, but, eh, I'll get to it.

As I was cleaning up, I came across some pictures the kids drew when they were in preschool. Fuzzy feelings came forth. I barely have their infancy documented; life was much different then. Looking back reminded me of worse times: when I hated myself, had no direction, the incessant daily struggle of just...existing.

My situation is shakey right now but I remember when things were worse and can't believe how I made it. My optimism has been renewed. The tail end of 2k4 was a trial for me and difficult to not becomed engulfed in feelings of failure. Maybe I am too hard on myself.

Blonde Wonder got hold of my Amazon Wish List and bout me a Crimmh gift. I don't expect gifts from anybody but was really shocked when this extra random box arrived at my door. She gave me Mis-education of the Negro and the new Green Day cd. I was so *dead*! Talk about opposite ends of the spectrum.

Yesterday, I received a call that shook me. The Office of Early Childhood Development called and told me to come in to apply for daycare vouchers for the kids. I could barely breathe. After being waitlisted for a year and a half, I pretty much forgot about it. DC really aint into helpin folks if you aint on drugs or a welfare queen. I wasn't bothered by the call, per se, but when the intake officer asked me how many children were being placed, I paused. It was a reminder of the life that's no longer living. Daycare costs were one of the reasons I decided it's not the time for me to mother a small one, and look at what happens. Things are being laid out to help me. I wonder what lies ahead since I decided to alter my fate.

31.December.2004    09:18 PM     Commments: 6

6 comment(s) » add yours

Happy New Year, baby. :)

posted by karsh | 01.01.05 12:10 AM


happy new year queen sexy!

posted by ej | 01.01.05 08:57 AM


Happy New Year!

posted by Carla | 01.01.05 11:21 AM


Happy New Year...may it open up for your more opportunities , lead you onto the path of continued success, happiness & prosperity.

posted by golden | 01.03.05 09:43 PM


Happy New Year to ya. It's crazy how people always say that DC offers so much aide to individuals, when in fact, it always takes a hell of a long time to be gotten. I've had the opportunity to meet and to know a lot of DC officials in goverment, and it is truly sad. But, having the spirit to succeed instead of just exist, changes so much. I wish you the best in the New Year. Change, it comes eventually.

posted by cee | 01.05.05 12:00 PM


happy new year. i hope the kids had a good chrimma and so did you.

hey try not to worry about the decision you made last year just pray about it ask god to forgive you and move on don't worry yourself about what will happen i know it hurted to hear that when you got the call and it probably brought back memories but hang in there ~sunray~ you will be alright.

take care.

posted by lashundra | 01.06.05 04:20 PM


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