Email: kiasunray[@]
AIM/Yahoo: kiasunray

Recent Entries
My Monthly


Syndication Feed: RSS
Laid-out by nOva
© 2003-2005 QUEENSEXY.NET
Extended Stay 01.09.05
08:59 AM • 0 comment(s)0 trackback(s)permalink

**Edit: coming this week. Stay tuned..../Edit**

The other day I found out my layoff date has been changed from Feb. 1 to sometime in April. That eases my anxiety somewhat. I don't want to be unemployed but I'm excited about the next installment in my life. I've outgrown this job and I need something...more. This is giving me some time to get a savings together. I'm grateful for that too.

I've been thinking a lot lately, about myself, interactions with others and generally, how I'm living my life. There are some behaviors I need to modify, but today I'm going to discuss my attitude.

EJ couldn't have said it better. "~SunRay~: Be nice and you bask in her glow.
Be mean and she'll burn your azz up." That's pretty much a summary of my interaction with people. I'm now awakening from myself-centered slumber to realize the sun's rays are blistering, baking and hurting peoople. You don't have to be mean to feel heat emanate from the sun's rays. Approach me when I don't want to be bothered, you'll feel it. Approach me when I'm semi-plesant and you'll still feel it. It's the chance you take, right? Recently, I've hurt someone's feelings and I almost feel bad about it. Almost.

Despite this blog, I'm generally a private person. I discuss myself very little. It's easier to make it through life that way. There was a time where I'd discuss my life freely but ya'll know how blacks are. I don't want to be placed in a barrell with other crabs nipping at my heels. I have a friend. A Ghetto Friend. Nice woman. Self serving woman. Now she likes to help people. That's a good trait. Because she talks so much about how much she's done for others, I feel her help isn't genuine. She wants to make herself look good. We all know people like that. Lately, she's been calling me and I don't want to talk to her. I don't want to see her either. She's just so....nosey. If I wanted to tell her my business, I wouldn't answer her questions with vague answers.

One day she called me while I was at work, demanding to know why I didn't call her back. I was tired. Fed up. Annoyed. So I told her the truth: "I didn't want to." Through the phone I could hear her gasp. She couldn't believe I said that. Why ask a question you really don't want the answer to? It wasn't the right or nice thing to say, but dammit, what else is there to say after all the typical "I'm busy" excuses have been exhausted?

Karma is ugly. Karma is gon' come back and slap me for that. You really gotta be aware of how you treat people. When that shit comes back on you, it's nothing nice. I know what I did, so when something fucked up happens to me, I'll know why. I'll take it with a grain of salt and keep steppin. But, um, we got some folks out here that do seriously fucked up shit, I mean seriously dog people on the regular and think that shit is A-Ok. When fucked up shit happens to them, they think ill of the world, when really, they brought that shit on themselves. I'm sick of people who can't own up to their fuckery and not willing to change. As long as you shit on people for your personal enjoyment, you'll be shitted on tenfold. For real.

•   •   •