Ya'll know how determined I am. Once I figure out what I want to do, I make a plan and do it, right? During this post, I went down to the Convention Center for the mass intake for the DC Energy office. Come to find out them sunsabitches wasn't gon' pay my bill or give me any discounts cause of my income. Said I was 10k over the limit. Ain't that bout a bitch? Try to be honest and look at where it gets you. As we speak, my gas bill is still out of control to the tune of $1467. Who's gon' pay that? Not me. Fuck I look like, First National Bank?
In preparation for my appointment at the Salvation Army, I remember who these types of programs are supposed to be for: poor people. I'm not exactly poor, just broke, which is a step up from being poor. In my resourcefulness, I thought it would be a good idea to use my paystubs from the candle store, since I couldn't figure out how to make somebody believe I was unemployed with this pretty fresh head of braids I'm carrying.
I fill out that form and lie. Lie my ass off. The only thing I couldn't lie about was my pay rate which is clearly on my paystub. They didn't even want a bank statement which made it that much easier.
I haul ass down to the Energy Office. I signed in. The elderly lady at the desk stared in awe at my hair and asked how much it costs, something I despise. I take a seat and wait. And wait some more. We are led to a room where two young black folk begin to discuss what home weatherization is and what steps we can take to reduce heating costs. Um...ghetto is too kind of a description for this performance. Dude was up there like he was a rapper or something, wildly gesticulating and whatnot. Some hoodrat sittin in the back attempted to ask a question, but that shit aint hardly make no sense. I had one of those "fuckisyousayin?" moments. Besides his comical act, the workshop was actually interesting. I learned a lot of stuff I didnt know. I actually have to change the filter on my furnace? EW. I even won a home weatherization kit, complete with power drill. Chea!
When I get upstairs to where they actually give money out, I faced a prollem. I was already in the system as being over income. How do I
Of course there was only one manager in the store. Rarely do management shifts overlap. I let ole boy overhear me ask D if she was the only manager in the store and asked what time F came in. He relented and decided to use my paystubs, which clearly reflected different hours worked for each week. He made up a number to use as my yearly income. How easy was that? Punch in a few numbers...bada bing bada boom...I walk out of the Energy office with $767 toward that bill. Total take for today's hustle...$1400 for two hours of my time.
This, my friends, is how you pimp the system.
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