That's exactly what's been going on lately. Everything I thought I wanted, I don't. Everything I don't want, I got. This here is right messy.
Let's start with this Job From Hell and the Black Bitches of Eastwick. I was so excited when I received the call for this job at the Firm. It was everything I wanted: close to home, decent (but not good) pay and offered plenty of opportunity to move into other positions. Damn if I'm staying a secretary for the rest of my life.
Everything was cool the first couple of weeks. About a month into the position, we had a check point meeting to discuss policies, practices and performance; nothing major, typical introductory stuff. Out of three of my bosses, I only managed to connect with one of them. She jumped right in and showed me what she needed, what its function was and left the door open for me to establish processes of my own. The two black (female) bosses....well, we aint gettin along. According to them everything I do is wrong down to what I wear to work. There is no pleasing these women and I'm no longer interested in attempting to accomadate them. They are blatently fake and I can't stomach it. I'm looking forward to my 90 day review and hopefully, they'll tell me to go. Quitting is not an option at this point simply because I don't want to forfeit my unemployment.
From the onset I was hesitant about working with black women. I'd heard terrible things from friends about their behaviors and biases. I went into this position with an open mind because I strongly believe people have the right to be judged as individuals. Um...I revoke all their rights. Like five minutes ago. My gut told me what was up when I felt uneasy about the ambiguous hours they gave me from the begining. Nobody seemed to know what my hours would be, however, when I inquired about certain hours I wanted, it was impossible. Judgement fucks everything up all the time.
I always wondered why I was led to this job. It was so easy to get. It must be part of a growing process where I continue to find out who I am as a woman and where I want to be. What I do regret is letting other people talk me out of doing what I wanted to do after my layoff. Maybe this was what this experience was all about: to be comfortable in my own decisions, knowing what's best for me. Who knows what I want better than I do?
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