GoodGloryGahdamn. What asshole came up with the phrase, "When it rains, it poors."? Do me a favor and tell him I hate him, mmmkay?

I went in my bathroom this evening, minding my damn business. Took a pee. Decided the bathroom was gross enough for a cleaning. Pecariously perching my ass on side of the bathtub, I open the cabinet under the sink to scrounge around for the appropriate cleaning products. After I'm finished using what I need, I put the shit back where I got it from. In my peripheral, I notice something moving, a small shadow. I turn my head to get a good look and see a little white face with beady black eyes and a pink nose. I haul ass out the bathroom and do what any rational person would do--I called my mother. Mothers know what to do, don't they. Yes, I'm somebody's mother but that shit need not apply in this situation.

Being that mother is no where near as hysterical as I, she suggests I call Animal Control. Isn't that a grand fuckin idea? So I calls these folks expecting them to come out in their lab suits and stun guns to get this creature. Nuh unh. He tells me it's likely a possum and there aint shit he can do till I have this fellow's entry way patched up. But wait, they hate the smell of amonia so put some of that down and have a nice night. Oh, and don't forget to keep the bathroom door closed. That inbred, tobacco chewin, Harley riding West Virginian bastard. How dare he not lure this creature out of my house like he's supposed to? Isn't that what him and his crew of hillbillies is for?

I'm sitting here about an hour after the discovery of this new house guest, too damn scared to venture into my own bathroom. The standoff continues....

30.May.2005    10:34 PM     Commments: 8

8 comment(s) » add yours

Hell you gone do...piss in a bucket?

posted by Lisa | 05.31.05 12:02 AM


The bucket's not an option since it's in the bathroom next to the toilet, however, I do have a balcony....

twnkee24: it hissed?
twnkee24: *shivers*
KiaSunRay: no, but it can
KiaSunRay: least that's what i read
twnkee24: bitch you done researched it?
KiaSunRay: and they can't fight to good
twnkee24: shoulda known
KiaSunRay: hell yeah!
twnkee24: *THUD*
KiaSunRay: i gotta know what the fuck livin in my house

posted by Queen Sexy | 05.31.05 12:09 AM


After having squirrels in my wall, I feel your pain. Possum's are some mean ass fuckin' big ass rats.

But I hear they taste good in stew.




posted by karsh | 05.31.05 08:17 PM


Good gotdamn! I'm skurred for you. I hope you're able to get that fucker out of your house SOON.

posted by MsThing | 06.01.05 01:59 PM


possums are nearly blind!!!!! thats why they're always roadkill... beat dat sukka w/ sumthin... it wont know what hit it. LOL

posted by ~*~CollegeSusta~*~ | 06.02.05 04:35 AM


Arghhhhhhhhhhhh @ a damn possum in the house.. how did that big fugger get up in the house, who left the door open for that sucka.. i'd be toooo damn scared and on the phone right now crying and demanding somebody come get that thing.

posted by Pam - Reddy | 06.02.05 11:16 PM


Is the intrusive visitor gone yet? Let us know you're alright, SunRay!!!

posted by MsThing | 06.09.05 04:53 PM


girl i hope you got that ugly bastard out of your house. when i stayed with my parents the neighbor across the street had one in her house and we kept hearing some knocking but we didn't go over to see so finally this lady comes across the street with her 2 kids screaming that a possum was in her house and could she stay her til her brother in law get there to kill it, my dad said he would go over there to see and by the time he did her brother in law had made it they end up shooting the damn vermit and he was big.

posted by lashundra | 06.10.05 04:19 PM


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