I need to mate. Like yesterday.

I was layin back the other nite, thinkin bout who's up for the task (and worthy) of being my playmate. I started thinkin bout the top three most memorable lovers.

3. - Locs

Not sure where I stumbled across dude, but he's one of the first cats I met when I moved back to DC. He was tasty, no doubt. Very thorough with that tounge ring. Stocky and broad just like i like em. Wasn't much to look at in the face though. My eyes were closed half the time so that didn't matter.

Most Redeming Quality- cooking

This nigga could seriously throw down in the kitchen. I mean just cook up some shit! I'm sure that's where that extra 20 lbs came from in 2000. I blame him. Where is he now....not sure if I care.

2. - JSJ

I never woulda noticed him in class if it weren't for his loud ass obnoxious friend. When I used to do the classroom thing (I take online classes now), I always kept to myself. I'm not a snob, just shy. Nobody believes that though. He came up in the computer lab one day, trynna buy somebody's project cause he didn't do his. I smirked cause I knew he was lookin for me. I used to be a hustla back in the day. LOL. I catch his eye and he comes over...he gags on the price a lil, but hands over my loot. Who else could garauntee an A for the price he was gettin??

We quickly realized we were very similar, bein born under the same sun sign and all. He hated the governement. I was broke. All I can say is...great minds think alike and money started comin in. J gave the best head I've ever experienced. He knew it too. I'm laid back trynna enjoy it, but not too much. He broke me down. Gahdamn.

Most Redeeming Quality- his smarts

Dude was very intelligent. That's hot. He was very logical, methodical...he was on point. He really understood the world in ways I had yet to discover. He was about his business and I liked that. Where is he now...he's still ridin his bid. I can't wait for him to come home....

Hey, this brings us to Numero Uno....

1. - BD3

As much as it pains me to admit this, he's is an excellent lover. He's gentle, stong, adventurous, rough, loving and demanding at the same time. I discovered my sexual self with him. Unfortunately, he doesn't have much goin on upstairs. That nigga aint bright. At. All.

Most Redeming Quality- his walk.

A graceful swagger is best I can describe it. Stands tall, shoulders back, head up...I loved it. The walk of a confident man, it was. Little did I know at the time it was a facade for all that was fucked up in his life. Man, oh, man did I learn some shit dealing with him. What did I learn? He showed me exactly what I didn't want and who I don't want to be. Where is he now?? Unfortunatly, I have his child and I'll never be rid of him. Ever. Ever. Ever. That's a long damn time.

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24.March.2006    12:35 PM     Commments: 3

They got me staring at the world through my rearview
Knowing if you scream to God
He could help you with your problems

It's been rough lately. I knew I'd hit a rough patch after I had the baby; I just wasn't prepared for the duration or how rough it would be. I've been trynna piece my life back together after dealing with BD3. I didn't think it would be this difficult or take this long.

Today I called BD2 and told him to get on the next thing moving to get his son. I've had about all I can take of this boy. It's enough he doesn't want to behave in school, but when he puts his sister in danger because of his reckless behavior, something has to give. I can't allow that in my home. I'm glad he has another place he can go. We need the time apart.

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22.March.2006    06:57 PM     Commments: 0

Man, today started off rocky. My trip to Atlantic City was cancelled at the last minute. I was looking forward to a bus ride and being away from the kids to be (semi) alone with my thoughts. The challenge of beating the house gets my adrenaline pumpin sho nuff. Blackjack is my favorite casino game; it's so easy to play. I haven't bothered to learn any of the other games though. There's prolly something else I'd enjoy playin just as much. Slot machines aint one of em though. They suck. It hurt a lil to miss an opportunity to make some money. I'm in serious need right now. Gotta keep a roof over these heads, you know.

The total day wasn't a bust. Me and my Pohtna In Crime went to see Dave Chapelle's Block Party, which he promptly fell asleep on. I on the other hand loved it. All of my favorite artists on one stage was so overwhelming for me. I have no idea what rock I was hiding under to not know when the actual concert took place. If I were paying more attention, I definitely woulda been there. Dead Prez RIPPED that shit! Don't sleep on them niggas ya'll, forreal. Having Erykah Badu and Jill Scott on The Roots' "You Got Me" left me all warm and tingly inside and whatnot. I forgot myself for a minute and was partyin up in the theatre. I wasn't eein in the hood theatre at that. I wish I weren't so sleepy; I'd like to write a post about how this concert was good for hip-hop and blah, but, I'm not that deep. No, really, I aint.

Today I decided I can't allow myself to just...settle. I'm not pleased with where I am right now, professionally or otherwise. The ball's in my court to make changes. I have my highs and lows; I'm riding a high right now. I wish I felt this way all the time, like I can do anything. I've got a pretty good plan in my head. Now only to execute....

One.

18.March.2006    10:35 PM     Commments: 0

Rotation: Mary J. Blige, My LIfe

QS: i was up half the nite with the baby cause she got a cold
QS: this chile done wiped her nose on my shirt
QS:i'm so not feelin her right now
BF: lol
QS: i shoulda read the fine print for i signed up for this mommie thing
BF: yeah.... you should have.....
BF: (or either got a contract from me!!!)
BF: (LOL)
QS: ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh
QS: no you didn't!
QS:<-- t h u d
QS: nigga always got sumfin to say
BF: damn right i do....
QS: trynna add me to your harem
QS: what's up wit dat?
BF: you wouldnt be fightin with me to take care of my child..... now would u??
QS: damn

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04.March.2006    03:15 PM     Commments: 2

I've been doing the "diet" thing for about 3 weeks now. It's going okay; my body is reshaping itself, which is cool. Working out is no big thing to me (anymore). Weight lifting is my favorite part.

The kids have taken a liking to working out with me as well. I've noticed the most change in Grand Diva, the oldest daughter. She likes to ask a lot of questions about what I do to lose weight. I then noticed she started taking salads for lunch. Coupled with Doritos but still a salad, no less. Now she's concerned about the food she eats because she wants to lose weight. At five feet tall and 107 lbs, she thinks she's fat. It hurts my heart so bad. At 9 years old she's alread adopted a negative self image. I have yet to figure out how to approach this subject with her. Weight has always been a difficult topic for me. I am worried about the kind of example I set for her being that I diet often.

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03.March.2006    11:49 PM     Commments: 0

While enjoying my daily cocktail of raisins and peanuts ( I like to stay regular. Stop judging me.), I decide to read the ingredients on the raisin box, soley for my own amusement. The label read, "Ingredients: California Seedless Raisins."

Perplexed, I consult Leeser because last time I checked, raisins were made from grapes. How can an ingredient of a product be the actual product itself? Makes no sense to me, mane.

My pseudo diet is working. I call it pseudo cause one of my meals per day contains a "forbidden" food. This is a lot easier for me to follow than that strict ass depressing diet Elmo had me on. It's working though. My body is reshaping its self and it's fun to watch. My body is getting used to the couple of weight training dvds I have, so it's time to introduce new routines. I checked out that Fitness Made simple dude, John Baisedow. Programs seemed simple, yet interesting till I checked the price. $30.00 for ONE dvd. Iown think so.

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02.March.2006    11:06 PM     Commments: 0