Rotation: Mary J. Blige, My LIfe

QS: i was up half the nite with the baby cause she got a cold
QS: this chile done wiped her nose on my shirt
QS:i'm so not feelin her right now
BF: lol
QS: i shoulda read the fine print for i signed up for this mommie thing
BF: yeah.... you should have.....
BF: (or either got a contract from me!!!)
BF: (LOL)
QS: ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh
QS: no you didn't!
QS:<-- t h u d
QS: nigga always got sumfin to say
BF: damn right i do....
QS: trynna add me to your harem
QS: what's up wit dat?
BF: you wouldnt be fightin with me to take care of my child..... now would u??
QS: damn

The truth is said in jest, no? Either way it stings, resembling the afterburn of 80 proof. Do I really need him to remind me of the daily stuggle and constant tomfoolery that is these niggas I'm chained to for the rest of my life? NIght after night I replay these scenarios in my head, trying to strategize my way out of this situation. For those that know me well already know my fear of failure and I'm afraid to admit that's where I feel I'm heading. Fast. Do I really need him to remind me these niggas aint shit, aint got shit, aint about shit and I'm assed out? Yeah, he struck a chord. A tender one I keep tucked deep inside a place where I allow no one to descend. That's one of the main reasons I've been apprehensive about delving into this dating thing any more than I already have. Often times, niggas ask more questions bout them dudes than they do about me. Once I asked a dude if he wanted their numbers, maybe they could run ball or some shit.

It's a part of my life I cant erase, retract or apologize for. It is what it is. I'm so sick with myself for perpetuating this cycle. At the end of the day, after the dinner is cooked, the kids are in bed and the bills are (semi) paid, I'm alone. I have to face myself and the broken home I've created. It's not a good feeling.

Would "contracting" with the BF help alleviate this issue? I can confidently say, "No, it wouldn't" The hustle and grind of bein a Baby Momma is nothing nice. My children and I deserve a comitted, loving man.

One.

04.March.2006    03:15 PM     Commments: 2

2 comment(s) » add yours


Hmph. Coons always wanna throw some shit in your face, like they've never made a mistake. I doubt the BF dude was being malicious, but gotdamn could he have taken a second to THINK before he typed some bullshit? He must not know that sayin shit like that makes the poon desertous.

Being the anal type, I tend to also dwell on those forks in the road, where in hindsight I realize I should have taken the alternate path. Nothing to be done for the past though. Gotta keep on trudging...and dodging sorry mfs left and right.

posted by Lisa | 03.04.06 04:36 PM


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Lisa, I also look back at defining moments in my life to determing how they could have been managed more affectively. It's part of the growing process. All I can do is press forward and stay true to self.

posted by QS | 03.04.06 06:35 PM


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