Rotation: Mary J. Blige, My LIfe
QS: i was up half the nite with the baby cause she got a cold
The truth is said in jest, no? Either way it stings, resembling the afterburn of 80 proof. Do I really need him to remind me of the daily stuggle and constant tomfoolery that is these niggas I'm chained to for the rest of my life? NIght after night I replay these scenarios in my head, trying to strategize my way out of this situation. For those that know me well already know my fear of failure and I'm afraid to admit that's where I feel I'm heading. Fast. Do I really need him to remind me these niggas aint shit, aint got shit, aint about shit and I'm assed out? Yeah, he struck a chord. A tender one I keep tucked deep inside a place where I allow no one to descend. That's one of the main reasons I've been apprehensive about delving into this dating thing any more than I already have. Often times, niggas ask more questions bout them dudes than they do about me. Once I asked a dude if he wanted their numbers, maybe they could run ball or some shit.
It's a part of my life I cant erase, retract or apologize for. It is what it is. I'm so sick with myself for perpetuating this cycle. At the end of the day, after the dinner is cooked, the kids are in bed and the bills are (semi) paid, I'm alone. I have to face myself and the broken home I've created. It's not a good feeling.
Would "contracting" with the BF help alleviate this issue? I can confidently say, "No, it wouldn't" The hustle and grind of bein a Baby Momma is nothing nice. My children and I deserve a comitted, loving man.
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