They got me staring at the world through my rearview
Knowing if you scream to God
He could help you with your problems

It's been rough lately. I knew I'd hit a rough patch after I had the baby; I just wasn't prepared for the duration or how rough it would be. I've been trynna piece my life back together after dealing with BD3. I didn't think it would be this difficult or take this long.

Today I called BD2 and told him to get on the next thing moving to get his son. I've had about all I can take of this boy. It's enough he doesn't want to behave in school, but when he puts his sister in danger because of his reckless behavior, something has to give. I can't allow that in my home. I'm glad he has another place he can go. We need the time apart.

I took a lot of too much to handle
Until I can't take this game no more.

I felt Fantasia in my soul that afternoon, on my way back from my first date (and last for that matter. I aint eein gon' go off on that tangent) with the BF. He put on some "girlie music" as he calls it. Of course it would have to be that song. Being seven months pregnant didn't help my emotional state. I huddled in the corner of my seat and cried. I don't know if he could tell and if he could, it prolly wouldn'ta mattered. I knew drastic changes were coming. I also knew there was nothing I could do about it. It frightened me. I had no idea where I was headed, but I knew where I didn't want to be.

As far as he and I are concerned...ah, what he and I forreal. Things haven't worked out as I'd initially anticipated. Can't front like I'm not disappointed, cause I am. Relationships of this kind have always been difficult for me. In recent years, I haven't found a man that embodies what I feel a man should be. I could be too ideal, but that's just the way it is.

My next steps are in God's hands. I'm just following his lead.


22.March.2006    06:57 PM     Commments: 0

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