It's been a week. I feel better than I did. Fix It Guy and I had a talk last week and I found out something I didn't like. It hurt. A lot. I reclined my seat and closed my eyes. He thought it was because I was tired. Little did he know I was tryin not to go schizo on his ass.
He knows something's amiss. I have yet to speak on it. Really, I don't know what Imma say. I also don't know how much longer I'll keep him around. After I found out what I did, my desire to be around him isn't quite the same. Call it "going through the motions", if you will.
He was placed in my life for a reason. I need to stay and receive my lesson. I'm trying to do that but my patience are gettin reeeaaaal thin with this dude. I have to stay focused on what I need to do. In so many words he's told me, "I have other shit to think about than you." Hm. Okay. If that's how you feel about it...
I give him a fuckin year of my life and that's the thanks I get? Fuck him and the pussy hole he fell out of! I still have objectives to meet. I need to do this strategically. It still makes me feel sick inside. I feel myself detaching. That's the best thing for me to do. Gotta move on to the next thing, whatever that may be. What bothers me is the kids. He's been around them. They really like him. For Busy Bee, that's the only dad she knows. I have no idea what I'm going to do about that. There's no way to get around their disappointment. I don't want to hurt them. I swear, sometimes I do more harm than good.
The other night he asked me if I was ready to get married. I told him no, cause I'm not. Maybe in about a year or so. That wasn't completely trut. I'm having a hard time seeing myself married to this dude. ESPECIALLY after wtf he told me. It's either you want me or you don't. There's no inbetween. Changes are coming in the near future. Stay tuned...
Mostly, this applies to other peoples kids. On any given day, I just might not like my own kids. So! Shit. They kids too and aint exempt from fuckery.
During my commute home, some hellacious teenage lookin creatures got on the train. Hey was hoopin and hollerin and carryin on. Two pseudo dykes, a would be sissy and a random "other". Other than what, Iown know. But anyway, these kids was real real irritatin. I mean damn, am I really that old? I'm more than certain I wasn't that irritating as a teenager. These lil bastards were interrupting my study time! I aint preciate that na'an bit.
My classes this semester aren't going as well as I'd hoped. I think I'll be able to rebound though. Maybe. For my Comm class, I gotta do a group project. I so fuckin HATE group projects. What makes it worse is that we gotta watch some cawk movie and discuss the communication theories used. Le snore. Couldn't Prof. Cunty come up with something better than that? I understand collaborative working enviroments are prevalent in most companies, but damn, cut a sistuh some slack.