It's been a week. I feel better than I did. Fix It Guy and I had a talk last week and I found out something I didn't like. It hurt. A lot. I reclined my seat and closed my eyes. He thought it was because I was tired. Little did he know I was tryin not to go schizo on his ass.
He knows something's amiss. I have yet to speak on it. Really, I don't know what Imma say. I also don't know how much longer I'll keep him around. After I found out what I did, my desire to be around him isn't quite the same. Call it "going through the motions", if you will.
He was placed in my life for a reason. I need to stay and receive my lesson. I'm trying to do that but my patience are gettin reeeaaaal thin with this dude. I have to stay focused on what I need to do. In so many words he's told me, "I have other shit to think about than you." Hm. Okay. If that's how you feel about it...
I give him a fuckin year of my life and that's the thanks I get? Fuck him and the pussy hole he fell out of! I still have objectives to meet. I need to do this strategically. It still makes me feel sick inside. I feel myself detaching. That's the best thing for me to do. Gotta move on to the next thing, whatever that may be. What bothers me is the kids. He's been around them. They really like him. For Busy Bee, that's the only dad she knows. I have no idea what I'm going to do about that. There's no way to get around their disappointment. I don't want to hurt them. I swear, sometimes I do more harm than good.
The other night he asked me if I was ready to get married. I told him no, cause I'm not. Maybe in about a year or so. That wasn't completely trut. I'm having a hard time seeing myself married to this dude. ESPECIALLY after wtf he told me. It's either you want me or you don't. There's no inbetween. Changes are coming in the near future. Stay tuned...
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