Good Morning Boys and Girls, today we're gonna talk about pet peeves. What are pet peeves, you ask? Pet peeves are any habit or personality trait that can get you throat punched by me. Let's explore. (In no particular order of importance)

1.) Do not call my house tomobut "Who dis??" Bitch! You called MY house. Ask for the person you want to speak to like you got some damn home training.

2). Do not call my house asking me "You at home???" Bitch! Did you just call my HOME number? I mean damn.

3). Weak bitches. Can you puhleeze remember where you left your backbone?

4). Do not, under any circumstances, blow your nose at the table. I don't care if you are finished eating. Bitch! You one naaaaaasty fucker.

5). Get a dictionary! I can't stand mfs who cannot comprehend college level vocabulary, especially if you're over 21! I am not interested in defining every other word that comes out my mouth. www.m-w.com is a good resource. Subscribe to the Word of the Day, stupid.

6). Do not include me in mass messages imploring me to "check out your new blog!!!!!" or "bloggings!!!!!!!!!" I HATE that shit. It's not a new blog if you physically didn't create a separate journal. It's a new POST in an EXISTING blog. Learn the vernacular.

7). Excessive use of the exclamation point is so 1995. Let it go. Less really is more. !!!!!!!!!!!!!! to you too, bitch.

8). Do not, under any circumstances, send me an email devoid of punctuation. I have no interest in reading a run on paragraph.

9). Do not use "pacific" as a substitute for "specific". For those of you that do this, you must be a product of inner city schools. I cannot be anymore "pacific" about my request.

10). Ladies, having a baby will NOT keep his ass. Yes, there are still "women" in 2006 that still use this logic. If anything, he'll leave your ass standin on the welfare like. Eatin swine. Trynna look fine. With your stank behind.

I will absolutely die if ya'll can tell me what song that lyric came from.

26.December.2006    06:16 AM     Commments: 21

Today was my first venture into Holiday Shopping 2k6. I used to think I was a pretty cool Mom; I know what kids like, what they're into and I speak their language.

*Enters Walmart*

Armed with two xmas lists and a vision, I'm prepared to pick up gifts for my Brood.

I'm doin pretty good, checking off things as I go. The Boy's writing is still very child like (mind you he's 7 years old) and a might hard to understand. I squint until I understand what it says. I had to think back because he explained it before I left the house.

*Enters ESPN Game Station*

I had NO. IDEA. what this thing was. Apparently, neither did the Walmart staff. Judging by the name, I thought it was a hand held game type thing. He said it had four different games on it. I'm in the Electronics Department walking in circles. Eventually, I give up.

*Enters Payless*

How many of you shop at Payless? Don't eein sit up there and front like you don't. I bet half ya'll got a pair of Pro Wings in the back of yo closet! Anyway, I went in there hopin for a BOGO to get the kids some xmas shoes. Um...since when Payless have shoes for $25?? I thought the objective was to PAY. LESS. Maybe it's me. I left disappointed.

*Enters Tarjhey*

Damn if I was payin 25 bones for a pair of less than leather shoes. I head to Tarjhey cause I knew they'd have a better price. They did of course. I got the Grand Diva something she's been buggin the crap outta me for. Got em for a real good price too. Damn you Payless! *shakes fist*

While in Tarjhey a big box with ESPN blazoned across the front catches my eye. It's that damn Game Station I was lookin for! It puts me in the mind of a big arcade game. Looks fun. Looks like it needs to be assembled. Fuck allat. I check the price...$135! Um...I love my kids, but not enough to spend that much on a gahdamn toy!

17.December.2006    08:47 AM     Commments: 2