Virgo: August 23-September 22

"You are usually practical enough, yet now you cannot be too cautious. Since you may not be able to change your plans once you begin the next project, you might not have as much freedom as you like. You don't have the luxury of making mistakes, so be careful in your dealings with others. Take life a step at a time now and you'll get everything finished."

"You don't have the luxury of making mistakes, so be careful in your dealings with others." This particular line constantly echoes in the back of my mind. Some people really thrive on gettin you caught up in...shit.

It's always good to keep an eye on the people you surrond yourself with. A person has been in my peripheral for a minute. At first glance, his intentions seemed cool. I'm always willing to give anybody a fair chance. Occasionally, I'm sensitive. Nobody believes that,! Anyway, one tried to convince me his criticisms are actually concerns for the well being of myself and my children. Hm, okay. That voice kicked in and she started tellin me "Unt uuuuuunnnh, girl! Keep your eye on this fool!" I didn't want to believe it but the voice wouldn't allow me to ignore it. I watch. I wait. My eyes penetrate deeper. I find the inconsitancy. I see the cover up and uncover the facade. In short, their bullshit is being projected onto me like I'M the one that's the fuck up. Niggguh please!

Some people are under the misconception that I'm just ballin out of control and can accomodate every asinine request. Um, fuck them. Do the terms HUSTLE and GRIND mean anything to anybody? I mean gahdamn.

Envy is the cousin of jealousy birthed from the mother of low self esteem. Understand I don't envy not nairy a bitch. I'm quite content with what I've accomplished and where I'm heading. I'm two steps ahead of the average bitch; what I got to envy for? I've got a clear plan while they all helter-skelter with it, just trynna figure shit out. Sorry, been there and done that, honey.

It's always some shit, aint it?

24.June.2007    09:32 PM     Commments: 0

Today is Father's Day (like many people care; men typically suck) and my father isn't physically near me. October 12th will be the 17th anniversary of his passing. 17 years is a long time. I miss my father terribly. I still feel that void in my life. There are a lot of things he wasn't; even as a child, I've always been focused on what was.

No matter how many conversations we had, there was nothing he could say to prepare me for his death. I always knew it was coming (he was very ill) but I was in denial about it myself.

I now have the means to visit his grave. I'm both excited and nervous. I have so much to tell him. I really dont have to tell him I guess; I know he already knows. I KNOW he's watching me and isn't so pleased. I asked my mother where he was buried, and she claimed to not remember. How can you not remember something like that?! Sometimes, she makes me want to shake the shit out of her. She gave me the name to the cemetery where she thinks (*rolling eyes* ) he's burried. I'll call and to verify he's there. They should be able to do that.

They say you aren't supposed to disturb the dead. Damn if Imma drive an hour and not say anything. That's not gonna happen. I've decided to write him a letter to tell him everything that's been on my mind. It'll be a long letter, a novel almost. I plan to write a little bit everyday. Maybe I'll keep writing until his birthday and read that to him.

17.June.2007    10:43 PM     Commments: 0