Today is Father's Day (like many people care; men typically suck) and my father isn't physically near me. October 12th will be the 17th anniversary of his passing. 17 years is a long time. I miss my father terribly. I still feel that void in my life. There are a lot of things he wasn't; even as a child, I've always been focused on what was.

No matter how many conversations we had, there was nothing he could say to prepare me for his death. I always knew it was coming (he was very ill) but I was in denial about it myself.

I now have the means to visit his grave. I'm both excited and nervous. I have so much to tell him. I really dont have to tell him I guess; I know he already knows. I KNOW he's watching me and isn't so pleased. I asked my mother where he was buried, and she claimed to not remember. How can you not remember something like that?! Sometimes, she makes me want to shake the shit out of her. She gave me the name to the cemetery where she thinks (*rolling eyes* ) he's burried. I'll call and to verify he's there. They should be able to do that.

They say you aren't supposed to disturb the dead. Damn if Imma drive an hour and not say anything. That's not gonna happen. I've decided to write him a letter to tell him everything that's been on my mind. It'll be a long letter, a novel almost. I plan to write a little bit everyday. Maybe I'll keep writing until his birthday and read that to him.

17.June.2007    10:43 PM     Commments: 0

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