It's been an okay week for me. Creativity is flowing strong so I'm definitely more motivated to write than I have been the last several months.

The last conversation I had with my brother really has me thinking about a few things, most notably, my children's education. They're a very talented group. Ironically, none of them are good at the same thing. The comments on their report cards were subject to more scrutiny than usual. Some grades fluctuated. Some stayed the same. Nothing dropped and that's a good thing. While their report cards were good, they weren't remarkable and I'm on a mission to find out why and rectify it.

I guess I've passed on my apathy for school to my children: I attend because it's a necessary evil, not cause I actually like the shit. I understand the importance of a good education but I know I haven't stressed it enough to them, or at least I feel like I haven't. My oldest is going to Saturday school for her math. The boy needs help with his handwriting. That's not too difficult. The baby needs anger management. Not sure where she can get signed up for that.

Earlier this week, four older boys tried to rob my son, an 8 year old. He didn't have any money to give the guys and ran home. An older boy walkin through the neighborhood saw what happened and helped him. He offered to walk my son to school, but I declined, thanked him and drove him and sister to school. Although I didn't process it at the time, I was very sad and afraid today. Once I start my new job on Tuesday, I won't be able to give them a ride to school. I'll be working farther away from home as well. It's twice as long of a commute (40 mins) even though I'm driving. All of which makes me uncomfortable. I don't have anybody to leave them with or for them to walk to school with. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right decision taking this job. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to regress (get section 8, get a PT job) temporarily while they're so young instead of trying to press forward with my goals.

This is another situation where I get angry with myself for making such horrible decisions and choosing worthless men as their fathers.

08.February.2008    09:32 PM     Commments: 0

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